Self Doubt

My life is done.

I would ask for help, but i have no one.

My father left with his new wife.

My mother took her own life.

Maybe I could be like her, and drown my sorrow with a drink.

The liquid would swollow my brain making it hard to think.

My brother is off at war and maybe dead in a week

Who knows he maybe dead as I speak

I dropped out of school, and lost all my friends

Will I gain anymore? It depends.

My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex.

He always told me I was like all the rest.

Needy, and a waste of his time.

I'm dieing inside, but the fake smile on my face tells to you that I'm fine.

I'm suffering in a box that won't let me out.

My life is full of self doubt.

If I leave right now, then maybe I'll be safe.

And God would lead me to his special place.

But I'm a fool that is scared to die

The blade would never press against my skin even if I try

They should put me away, and never let me out

No one knows what I'm really about

So the only one I can count on is me

Letting no one in my locked life because I swollowed the key

 

Author's Note

I'm not that good on writting poems. I only write them when I'm bored. C:

Reviews

[smiggle wiggle]

This really good! I enjoyed this a lot. You're are better at Rhythm than me! Great job and keep writing!

[Daly]

The rhythm seems to be a bit off, but overall it's good. I found some spelling errors "swollow" is "swallow" and "dieing" is "dying".

[stipe]

Thank you for your kind review of my drunken rambling last night. I'll try writing more completely asap.

Rhymes are good, but rhythm falters. Now I'm no expert... yet.

[justjenn_2u]

To turn to the alcohol would only be a temporary fix if even that. To sit back and enjoy silence, get to know yourself inside and out, love yourself more, and you will rise above. Your happiness is non existent in this piece. The poem is tragic but a nice write. You are building character with every stumbling block you have to cross. Believe me, I speak from experience.

[Sean M. Addams]

rhyme is really good in this piece and love the meaning inside the poem... good job on this.

[DeAn]

some good stanza's and it only seemed forced just a tad bit. :)

I like the phrases used tho, they are very good.

great job

l8r g8r
-Tao

[J.P.O.et]

No, no Progresso soup here, I was moved by this piece
It is very now and topical with reference to the war
'My brother is off at war and maybe dead in a week
Who knows he maybe dead as I speak', honest and true
It has it all, cheatin boyfriends, unattebtive father, suicide
This is very sad also and I hope you let someone in to help you,
J.P.O.et

[Travis Lawrence]

This is really good. I often feel very much the same. "Fake smile... self doubt... locked life", great phrasing.

[a Messenger]

I like it. I like the honesty and openness.
I like the rhythm and rhyme. I feel sorry for your pain and your poem makes me wish I could help.

[Andy Shae]

This is good. It rhymes well. It may be a little too 'chicken soup' for my taste. But i still like it.