~~ trying ~~

not to be able to share what i'm thinking is the most painful thing that you could do to someone 
yet keeping things to myself is the one and only thing that i know that i could do 
no one to judge you from your past the people that hurt you the most 
the ones that you thought that was there for you yet used you for what means the most that is my heart 

how could i have the feeling of love or to show what love is when i don't know how to love my self 
i try to put a happy smile on my face yet deep down inside i'm still in pain
pain from the past, pain from trusting people that you though meant the world to you 
just to keep things that are killing me in the inside is the only way for me to deal with the past or now
if you cant accept that then i don't know what to do or say
if i try to say how i'm feeling it back fires and becomes a big deal 
that's why i'm not the one that you want me to be
i try yet i'm not trying hard enough