Chapter One - Love.Purple.

“What exactly are you doing?” sister Roberta asked Sarah, who was fumbling with a knotted bunch of ribbons, growing more frustrated by the minute.

“I can’t believe I’m wasting my time with this! Where is Sys? Why can’t we just remake this?” the redhead abandoned the struggle, her cheeks flushed and her eyes gleaming furiously. “Can you take this to your lab and bring me back a fresh spool of non-knotted ribbon? You have no idea how many things I have to do right now, all at the same time!”

“I think I got you beat in that department, my dear. I haven’t even started the staging for the light show, so if you’ll excuse me…” Roberta left before Sarah had a chance to pass on to her the ribbon unknotting challenge.

“What. For. Use. Ribbon.” Purple inserted their unavoidable wisdom. “Wisp. Think. Mat­ter. Worthless. Anyway.”

“Why don’t you tell me more about that, I really need the pep talk! Where is Lily!?”Sarah burst and left the room, trying to escape the immortals’ nagging. Ever since they started with the preparations for the Bonding Ceremony everybody was a frazzled knot of nerves. Nothing came out right, not on the first try, anyway.

Lily was managing the whole process with endless patience and a calm disposition, no doubt acquired from her long experience with all sorts of species, especially the wisps who were particularly demanding.

They had brought an exhaustive list a requirements, observed that Terra Two didn’t seem to have the characteristics necessary to accommodate the ceremony, complained that the high ionization of the atmosphere made them lose focus, questioned the rationality of a Bonding Ceremony for a solid in the first place, and objected to each and every one of the preparations already in course, calling for ‘small’ modifications that ended up in complete redesign.

In the midst of the chaos flocks of dragons flew back and forth, eating anything in the way of flower arrangements and getting their scaly legs tangled in the drapery. Sister Joseph, in agreement with Jimmy, Jenna and Iseult, thought it would be a good idea to bring them in early, so they could acclimate to the conditions and not create havoc during the blessed event. Why would one believe the lizards were going to behave was a question for another time, but there they roamed, noisy, cantankerous and everywhere.

Sister Roberta didn’t spare the community the unavoidable surprise. Lily’s brave attempts of persuasion fell flat, much as she tried to convince the sister that having anything not pre-screened in a ceremony that was all about protocol, ritual and compliance was not a good idea. Since Roberta didn’t relent, Lily smiled with the composure that made her so good in critical talks, and resigned herself to having to explain a dud of massive proportions to the dissatisfied Vlorian delegation. Lily could almost see their expression and sighed, checking another rubric in the chronicle of things she could have done better.

“Lily! Thank goodness! Do we really need all of these?” Sarah asked brusquely, as she rushed into Lily’s office without knocking, with the bunch of tangled ribbons in her hand. Lily happened to be very frustrated at the time, but she wouldn’t dream of disrespecting Sarah, her revered mentor. She clenched her jaw, managing to smile at the same time, which was an extraordinary feat in itself, and stretched out her hand for the offending bundle to assess the seriousness of the situation. Sarah dropped the messy ribbons in her palm, with a confrontational attitude, quite uncharacteristic under normal circumstances.

“I think we can skip these,” Lily replied, in a calm and comforting voice. “What were they for, anyway?”

“The flower arrangements, of course, which, by the way, I had to do over and over again! I wonder if those blue eating machines can ever be full? I don’t think there is a chance in a million that we’re going to reach the ceremony with any plant decorations!” she rumbled, irate.

“The Second Circle asked me for a detailed description of decor and the schedule for the ceremony. I was just about to ask you for details on all the plants, but it seems like we may need to make some changes before that. What would you like me to tell them?” Lily asked.

“You really don’t want to know what I would like you to tell them right now!” Sarah couldn’t help herself.

“I will let them know we need a little more time to fine-tune the details,” Lily continued, unperturbed.

“Fine-tune? The second they have a list on their hands they’re going to ask for a complete redesign. Why even bother with option fifteen of the blasted flower arrangements? They’re not going to make it three feet out of the greenhouse before those five headed pests descend on them like famine!” Sarah continued, more and more flustered, and her alabaster cheeks turned deep shades of rose and wine, lighting her eyes on fire. Her former pupil sat back in her chair a little bit, secretly amused at the absurdity of the situation, but careful not to crack even the shadow of a smile and annoy her mentor further. “Why did we need the dragons, anyway? Isn’t the Vlorian approval process punishment enough?”

“It would make sister very Joseph happy,” Lily started an explanation.

“That would indeed be a miracle!” Sarah retorted, morose.

“Watch that vicious tongue, sister! You might accidentally bite it and poison yourself!” sister Joseph obliged through the interlink.

“Don’t you have anything to do, sister? You may be the only one!” Sarah continued the offensive.

“Giant. Pointless. Argument. Time. Passes. Nothing. Done.” the immortals threw their two cents in.

“Really?” Sarah whined, accompanied by sister Joseph’s silent assent in a sudden and quite strange display of solidarity. “Do you want to help out with draping the podium?”

“Giant. Useless. Busy. Work. Sys. Can. Make.” Purple mumbled, offended. Sarah realized they were right and relented.

“I’m not going to ask Sys to work like a robot, doing and undoing endless iterations of wisp rejected plans!” Sarah protested.

“Um is a robot!” sister Joseph interjected, harshly.

“Sister! Again? Really?” Sarah continued through the interlink, then ignored the side conversation and turned back to Lily. “Speaking of immortals, where is Purple going to sit?”

“We don’t have the final approved plan yet, the Second Circle is still trying to decide if the fusion cloud is posing any risks to them. Humon has been in talks with the Tagas cloud; the progenitors feel that the breech of protocol of not communicating through procedural channels is concession enough. They don’t understand how we get anything done, making decisions for ourselves, without cohesion.”

“How do we get anything done? You mean without the benefit of seven planetary rotations between a petition and the answer to it?” Sarah replied, with a little tinge of sarcasm. “Nobody asked the poor child what she wanted! Does she have any say in her major life event?”

“No.” Humon replied through the interlink, a lot less diplomatic than his wife. “I’m afraid Lily didn’t clarify this with the human side of the family: there isn’t any part of the Observance that can ever be modified for anyone. It is highly ceremonial and not supposed to have personal touches. The joyous subsequent festivity is highly ceremonial too.”

“Lovely! Lelia is going to celebrate the privilege of having no input in the most important day of her life. I’m sure she’ll enjoy that!” Sarah protested, outraged.

“Actually, she will, she is half cloud. Appreciation for ceremony is a core component of her personality.” Humon clarified, without guile.

“Here’s the puff of smoke! I was wondering when you were going to chime in and defend your kin!” sister Joseph rumbled. Lily let out a very slow, almost imperceptible sigh. The sister caught it. “Serves you right for marrying fog! I told you nothing good was going to come out of your traipsing back and forth across the universe, but nobody is listening to me! Now we’re all punished for it!”

“Sister,” Lily continued, as if the previous chastisement didn’t happen, “have you given any thought to when the dragons will be brought into the ceremony? They don’t have to be there from the very beginning, do they?” she asked with unrealistic hope.

This innocent remark degenerated into a half-hour diatribe on the rights of the dragons and the importance of respecting one’s elders, the human kind, of course.

“Giant. Can. Do. Nothing. Right. Stop. Everything. Let. Purple. Do.” the immortals screeched abruptly.

All parties turned their attention and their building frustration towards the latter.

“Do what, you big purple blob of goo?” sister Joseph finally replied.

“Giant. Not. Even. Start. Write. Letter. Simple. Thing.” Purple hissed. “Giant. Had. One. Simple. Task. Giant. Can. Not. Deliver. Why. Giant. Try. Complex. Tasks. Giant. Slow. Wisp. Right. Solids. Dense.” they ranted. “What. Stops. Slow. Giant. Write. Lelia. Uch. Waste. Purple. Time.”

“Aren’t you smug?” sister Joseph picked up the gauntlet. “Did you write your letter?”

“Purple. Write. Letter. Not. Sister. Joseph. Problem. Sister. Joseph. Write. Own. Letter.” Purple fought back.

Lily raised her hands in an attempt to reestablish serenity on the battlefield that her usually peaceful office had become.

“Could we please get back on task, if you don’t mind? Sister Joseph, I don’t want to rush you with the dragons’ schedule, just let me know when you have the arrangements,” she said.

“What a waste of my time!” sister Joseph protested and left the conversation.

Lily turned towards her mentor, whose initial frustration had subsided a little bit, to be replaced by pangs of guilt at the thought that, indeed, she hadn’t given any thought to the writing of her letter to Lelia, the one thing that could bring a touch of caring in this waterfall of procedure and protocol.

“So, do you have a final selection for the flowers and greenery?” Lily asked Sarah, unperturbed. “We’re three weeks away, the schedule is getting a little tight, with all the processing times required by the approval boards…” she smiled apologetically at her mentor, who grunted unintelligibly and turned around to leave.

“Sister Sarah?” Lily asked sweetly.

“It’s Mother Joachima! How many times do I have to tell you people? I go through the trouble to be reborn to this order, take on a new name and everything and nobody cares!” she retorted as she stepped away. Lily was confused by the outburst, since nobody in the entire history of Terra Two had ever addressed the redhead by this name, which had been used exclusively for ceremonial purpose.

---

Purple Metropolis, Eastern Ocean, Terra Two, July 3rd 3245

Lelia. Listen.

Purple. Love. Cloud. Child. Giant. Though. Purple. Not. Understand. Why. Lily. Chose. Wisp. Wisp. Not. Understand. Human. Wisp. Cold.

Regardless. Purple. Wish. Lelia. Happiness. Joy. Peace. Love. Purple. Excited. Honored. Participate. Child. Wisp. Ceremony. Purple. Contribute. Gene. Before. Wisp. Cloud. Assembly. Purple. Principal. Progenitor.

Not. Let. Wisp. Disagree. Purple. Parent. Lelia. Much. Different. Than. Wisp. Lelia. Must. Pay. Attention. Lelia. Human. Lelia. Purple. Lelia. Wisp.

Lelia. Special. Only. Two. Beings. Like. Lelia. Purple. Hope. Child. Giant. Understand. Universe. Slow. Giants. Can. Not. Grasp. Purple. Understand. Universe. Wisp. Understand. Universe. Maybe. Lelia. Understand. Universe. Then. Lelia. Teach. Giants. Lily. Slow. Even. Roberta. Slow. How. Not. Understand. Teach. Parent.

Listen. Purple. Not. Like. Mother. Grandparent. Did. Best. Pre-select. Cloud. Covalence. Wisp. Grandparents. Find. Good. Clouds. Lelia. Must. Pick. For. Self. Lelia. Live. With. Covalent. Cloud.

Wisp. Grandparents. Mind. Covalent. Cloud. Not. Mind. Love. Lelia. Must. Find. Life. Partner. Difficult. Now. Need. Find. Wisp. Human. Not. Understand. Not. Good. For. Lelia. Wisp. Not. Human. Not. Understand. Relationship. Difficult.

Why. Did. Lily. Marry. Wisp. You. Different. Ael. Different. How. Find. Partner. Sys. Can. Make. Not. Know. Why. Lily. Not. Accept. Maybe. Lelia. Wiser.

Lelia. Must. Be. Happy. Purple. Care. Lelia. Live. Very. Long. Life. Lelia. Must. Live. Happy.

What. Child. Giant. Good. At. What. Child. Giant. Like. Not. Listen. Parent. Not. Listen. Purple. Listen. Heart. Not. Important. What. People. Think. Important. What. Lelia. Feel. If. Lelia. Happy. Life. Of. Lelia. Good. Parent. Happy. Too.

Think. Lily. Parent. Upset. About. Wisp. No. Lily. Parent. Love. Wisp. Purple. Like. Wisp. Too. Humon. Different.

Lily. Think. Too. Much. Lily. Ponder. Meaning. Life. Lily. Not. Get. Meaning. Life. Purple. Not. Get. Meaning. Life. Only. God. Get. Meaning. Life. Purple. Not. Analyze. Existence. Purple. Happy. Purple. Know. More. Than. Slow. Giant. Still. Human. Sit. On. Beach. Ask. Why. Exist. Nonsense. Lelia. Not. Waste. Time.

Must. Teach. Purple. Wisp. Science. Purple. Want. Know. Maybe. If. Purple. Understand. Wisp. Purple. Like. Wisp. More.

Why. Lelia. Not. Visit. Purple. Metropolis. Lelia. Know. Location. Sys. Can. Bring. Want. Show. Child. Beautiful. Patterns. Child. Purple. Too. Child. Appreciate.

Take. Purple. When. Travel. Purple. Miss. Dragon. Purple. Want. See. Many. Worlds. Lelia. Make. More. Friend. Why. Not. Visit. Iseult. Parent. More. Sociable. Lily. Many. Friends. Now. Lily. Diplomat.

Purple. Want. Make. Lelia. Gift. Tell. Purple. What. Child. Want. Otherwise. Purple. Choose. Purple. Sure. Lelia. Like.

How. Roberta. Progress. With. Shape. Universe. Figured. Out. Purple. Think. Not. Purple. Have. Patience. Particles. Complicated. Giant. Slow.

Purple. Miss. Lily. Jenna. Jimmy. Purple. Love. Children. Talk. To. Purple. First. Jimmy. Very. Special. Child. Figured. Out. Particle. Wave.

Purple. Talk. Much. Purple. Not. Really. Know. What. Child. Wisp. Can. Do. Maybe. Purple. Talk. Nonsense. Please. Tell.

Child. Must. Be. Excited. About. Ceremony. Great. Event. Sys. Help. Organize. Lily. Anxious. Wisps. Picky. All. Supposed. To. Offer. Wisdom. Maybe. Lelia. Wise. Already. Giant. Forget. Lelia. Wisp. What. Human. Know. About. Wisp.

Love. Sister. Sister. Only. Being. Like. Lelia. Sister. Understand. Ael. Poet. Like. Father. Purple. Proud. Talk. To. Sarah. Maybe. Lelia. Like. Chemistry. Sarah. Master. Teach. Lelia. Many. Things. Invent.

Lelia. Find. Happiness. Purple. Help. Purple. Know. Child.

Wisdom. Go. Far. Happiness. Go. Farther. Plenty. Of. Time. Search. Till. You. Find.

Purple. Love. Lelia. Always.

Reviews

[JayG]

You're working hard on your writing, and putting a lot of yourself into it. But some things jumped out at me, and I thought you would want to know how a reader in the bookstore, or an acquiring editor might react to this opening:

• “What exactly are you doing?” sister Roberta asked Sarah, who was fumbling with a knotted bunch of ribbons, growing more frustrated by the minute.

When you read this, because you know who the people are, where they are, and what's going on, it makes perfect sense. For you, each line points to images, setting, backstory, and dialog that lives in your head. But for a reader who doesn't know where they are in time and space; doesn't know who, of the two, is the protagonist, or know them as a personality; and doesn't know what's going on, each line points to images, setting, backstory, and dialog that lives in YOUR head. You know that there are others who can talk to them, mentally. The reader just sees odd language quoted in italics, for unknown reasons.

You have intent, and knowledge. The reader has only what your words suggest to them, based on THEIR background and experience. And that probably won't match yours. That reader will live somewhere else, and so, have slightly different cultural norms and shades of word meaning. They will probably be of a different age group, and there's a 50/50 chance they will view the words through a different set of gender biases. So if you want them to follow the action you need to give them context as they read, so they understand not only what is being done in the scene, but also what drives the person to do it.

We do that by placing the reader into the protagonist's viewpoint, not by talking ABOUT them. Remember, your reader has come seeking entertainment, not information. So clarity and context are critical. And by placing the reader into the protagonist's viewpoint, so they perceive the scene as that person does; by giving them the protagonist's view of what happened, and what it means to them; by making them know the options and resources, plus the necessities of the protagonist, instead of viewing it according to their background, that reader's responses and knowledge will have been calibrated to those of the protagonist, and they will react AS that character. More to the point, they will react emotionally as that character.

Think in terms of a horror story. Which is your goal, to know that the protagonist feels terror, or to have the author terrorize you, and make you afraid to turn out the lights? To know that your protagonist has fallen in love, or to be made to fall in love with the same person, for the same reasons?

The answer is obvious, but, no way in hell can the book-report and essay-writing skills we're given in our school days do that, because they're nonfiction skills of the kind our future employers need us to have. Fiction is a profession, and the skills of professions are learned in addition to the general skills we're given in our public education days.

So, from your reader's viewpoint: Who is Sister Roberta, and what made her ask the question? No way to tell as the first line is read, because you placed effect, her asking the question, before the cause, which is Sarah's doing something unknown to something you call ribbons. And while you do clarify by explaining, there is no such thing as a second first impression, and you cannot retroactively remove confusion.

There's a trick to prevent that, often called "Motivation/Response Units," that require us to make the reader know what motivates a given character to act. That would have prevented that particular problem (and many more like it), and I link to it below this paragraph. Had you been aware of it, and trained yourself to think with the protagonist's mind, it would have prevented that opening line problem. The trick part of a large body of craft that no one told us exists during our school days. And we no more learn it—and the hundreds of other issues of craft—by reading fiction than we learn to cook by eating.
http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/art/scene.php

And that's my point. It's not a matter of good or bad writing, the story, or even talent. It's knowing the learned part of the profession, the craft, so you have those the necessary toolsnd thre knowledge of what they can do for you. And as Mark Twain so wisely observed, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

So, bottom line. Dig up a copy of Dwight Swain's, Techniques of the Selling Writer. It's the best introduction to the nuts and bolts issues I've found. And armed with skills and knowledge he gives you your words can take wings. And then, having exchanged the cart horse we're issued in our school days for Pegasus,who knows where you'll fly to.?

For a general introduction to the issues involved, and to give you an idea of what you need to focus on, you might want to poke around in the writing articles in my blog.

But whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Francis Rosenfeld]

Thank you very much for your review. I think I should have given a little more background about this piece of writing. This is a chapter from Letters to Lelia - the last book of a trilogy that starts with Terra Two and continues in Generations. Chapter one is not the beginning chapter, the book has a foreword. I understand how this could be very confusing out of context.
By this time in the trilogy the characters, who are sisters of a religious order, would be very familiar to the reader.
The story line is that they are counting down the days to the initiation of their young pupil, Lelia, into her alien cloud family. Lelia is the main character of the book, although in a passive way.
The event is bound by strict ceremonial rules, a cherished tradition for the cloud family but completely unfamiliar to the sisters. This makes them very tense about making mistakes although they are doing their best to follow protocol in order to tighten the diplomatic relations between the two cultures.
The whole point of the third book is that all the activities they engage in, and which keep them busy the whole month before the ceremony, are completely unnecessary: all the details had already been set in stone and any changes would require an approval process longer than the time they have left before the event itself.
The sisters are fretting over irrelevant details in order to fend off their nervousness and feel emotionally involved in the process: their little baby is all grown up.
The knotted ribbons are really knotted ribbons:) There is also an unsanctioned light show, a flock of miniature dragons constantly munching on the flower arrangements, a five course banquet for a species that doesn't eat, a hand embroidered quilt made of naturally purple silk from designer bred silk worms...
Terra Two is posted on this site. Generations and Letters to Lelia are available on Medium as publications. Here are the links.
Generations: https://medium.com/frrosenfeld
Letters to Lelia: https://medium.com/francis-rosenfeld-letters-to-lelia-terra-two