Unlaced

somewhat subtle personal experience with autism/neurodivergence

Eyes glued to my unlaced shoes,

Fingers picking at the skin I lose.

Friendly chatter pierces and flows,

Through the walls where my silence grows

I think to myself - "why couldn’t I be normal?"

As I step out, a thousand glares pierce through me,

Seeping into my soul, my mind, my very being.

Screeching rejection and denial of my existence,

All too familiar, yet I shiver in unwilling perseverance.

I think to myself - "why couldn’t I be normal?"

My feet tap on the linoleum floor,

Eyes adjusting to lights that roar.

Fists clench tight at sudden sounds,

Hair ripped out as overstimulation surrounds.

People think to themselves - "why couldn’t she just be normal?"

A shift in routine rewires my brain,

Lingering fears of my portrayal as disdain.

Just another “quirk” to break a beloved bond,

Maybe I’ll hide who I am so we can move on.

I think to myself - "maybe I’ll try to be normal"

The longer I mask, the more I ache,

From every movement I dread to fake.

It doesn’t matter how I feel,

I work, I serve, to turn the wheel.

I think to myself - "how do I even be normal?"

Author's Note

this is a college assignment (where i had to adhere to specific requirements) and also my personal experience. not every autistic person is the same.

Reviews

[sailesh]

This is a really beautiful and heartbreaking poem, it's so sad that society puts tags on everyone, everyone is beautiful in their own complex ways and you have portrayed that so well. The refrain makes it so beautiful. I hope you post more of your poems you are such an incredible writer.

[junie]

oh man this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said about my poetry :') this means the world to me, sailesh. i'm so glad you like it and i can't wait to share more because of you!