If I sat on a cloud

I just started writing nonstop and this is the result

If I could lay in the clouds, watching, observing,
Would I see the world beneath, the pain and hurting,
There's a stairway to heaven behind me,
Sometimes I'm scared if I go you'll never find me,
So I lay in the clouds, watching, waiting,
I see you've moved on, still watching, hating
I glimpse at the stairway, watching, praying,
Someone speaks.. What are they saying,
I cannot hear, I cannot see, I cannot feel,
I cannot fear, cannot be, cannot be real,
The insanity like the chaotic ocean,
Rushing, bustling, so many things about to happen, and yet so many things continue to happen, where is there room for all of it?
All these fish like thoughts swimming around from this corner to that,
No sense of direction, no sense of who they are or where they are at,
Just going, surviving, never ending.
It destroys me, takes me for granted, treats me like an insect,
Crushes me under the truth of what is,
What everyone can see if they just inspect,
What no one would think is beautiful just a burden,
Someone who thinks so much is smart yes indeed,
But they think themselves to madness think more then they need,
Think themselves to paranoia, fear and hatred,
Think themselves to death
For me their is no chance of life,
My life is my thoughts,
My hopes
My dreams
My wants
The birth of me
And the death of me