Synthetic Bliss

Synthetic Bliss

A Poem by audrie

Nauseous from the sight of you
and cautious while I'm next to you-
I try to tweak my view of our melodramatic situations~
which leaves the taste of stimulation that we are so familiar of
we make believe our false love is real
while synthetic bliss enhances the way we feel~
I want to be away from you
my damaged mind needs time to heal
I have no intentions of hurting you 
but this is something I really must do
I will sneak away when you're not looking
I'll leave you alone with your synthetic bliss 

© 2014 audrie


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I really like the wording and imagery that you use throughout this piece. I just have one suggestion regarding the last line, I feel that by using the word feelings, as the last word, disrupts the flow of the piece. You could try 'I will leave you alone deep within your synthetic bliss' or try removing the the plural 's'. I hope this is helpful.

Posted 10 Years Ago


audrie

10 Years Ago

Thanks Ashley - if you don't mind I will take your suggestion
Ashley Griffiths

10 Years Ago

Feel free, happy to help! :-)

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Added on May 15, 2014
Last Updated on May 16, 2014

Author

audrie
audrie

About
I am a social worker and an artist. I am by no means a professional writer but enjoy doing it now and again. I am all about peace, balance and harmony. Looking forward to reading all sorts of stuff.. more..

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