frisky texter

i wrote this in about 5 minutes about this guy. it makes me giggle. any suggestions?

 

Good morning sexy.

Is that your best

pick up line?

Telling me that

you want to do

bad things to me

is such a turn

off.

Frisky texter

what exactly

do you want

from me?

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

Perfection !
This poem says everything,
everything we need to know.
Perfect release of bad feeling.
Perfect expression.
Perfectly written.
Thank you,
====Eag;e Cruagh

[Damian Alan Gray]

Lengthen it? Not what I would do. A poem like this, with such a short and precise image, should actually be shortened. I would go so far as to haiku the piece. Don't get me wrong, it's a good idea. But if you tighten it into a haiku format the image would still be there, and probably much more vivid. If you decide to do this, please request a read from me. I'd like to see what you come up with!