The inner turmoil of reality

As the bomb goes off, I have no idea what to do. The enemy is running behind me, I look around and can't seem to find a place to go or hide. I'm growing more and more exhausted and want to give up. Where's the light to guide me home? When will the night sky break out into daylight with the sun shining above. All I see is darkness... Its consuming me.. I keep fighting but it's slowly but surely bringing me to my end. I'm losing hope. Who will be there to catch me when I fall? The walls growing higher and caving in. I'm suffocating in my own skin. Who am I? Who do I want to be? What is the right thing for me to do and what isn't? The crave of the knife carving in. Wanting so much physical pain that will conceal the deeper pain inside. I feel alone and isolated. When someone begins to break in, I fight and push them away until they no longer wish to come back. If I'm going down, why should I take anyone else with me? No one understands what is truly going on inside, no one should ever want to. Where is home? The place I reside does not feel welcoming, I do not feel safe. I feel judged, hated and alone. I often question myself again and again when will I feel true happiness but the real question is will I? I'm on an endless cliff and I'm slipping on the edge. I'm hanging on by a thread and I want to start over again. How could this happen? How could this happen to me? I'm so sick of this life, I just want to scream. I have lost too much in this despicable life. I want to be filled with happiness. I want to feel completely loved and safe. I want to be someone, someone with importance. But I can barely trust anyone nor myself. Sure, Intelligence can go a long way but in this world you need so much more, so much that I don't have and never will be able to grasp.