For Mark Twain

This is the kind of world I think Mark Twain would see if he was still alive. It's supposed to provoke laughter, but I hope it's one of those 'it's funny because it's true' kind of laughs.

The whole school shut down

on North Baker Street;

the crowds getting wild

'cause no one can eat.

I once had a puppy

who's now Timmy's meal.

He says, 'well she's no chicken,

but it's better than veal.'

 

The President's missing

in the sewers of town;

he went looking for fish-sticks,

but probably drowned.

The old U.S. navy

was busy at the moment,

but they'll go in a hurry

since they've already blown it.

 

And wow, what a fire

thanks to five elders' bodies

(They were already dead anyway--

probably rotting.)

Now the big banks can't cash in

on the grave diggers' harvest;

America, these days,

you'd think no one was honest!

 

So 'oh goodness,' I say

to the big-chested shrink,

who glares a bit fondly,

intriguing to me.

'Well hey, that's just life,'

she points with her nose,

we smile, we nod,

walk on, then she slows;

 

'Stranger,' she's calling,

but I don't look back--

I'm much to intrigued

with the big golden sack.

So focused that nearly I miss her depart,

as the swat team comes in

and grabs at her heart. 

 

Now the season is passing

and I get so bored;

So many railways can break

before the end of the world.

And so many laws can be broken

before the clay is to blame.

Goodness, my goodness,

people today.

Author's Note

TEAR IT APART. A few things that might help clarify: in the third stanza, the grave diggers’ harvest refers to the notorious ‘grave robbers,’ who dig up graves and take jewelry that was buried with the deceased. In the fourth stanza, the ‘big-chested shrink’ represents mother earth and our abuse of the planet, but can also be taken to represent women and the abuse we take from society. Finally, in the last stanza, a railway breaking is a metaphor for environmental harm and ties into the overall message of the poem; human ignorance. Breaking laws represents the idea that we, as people, are capable of much worse than we imagine. Blaming the clay represents blaming God himself, as in his assumed creation of us held flaws.

Reviews

Reply to Author's Note: Tear it apart?! A Challenge?!!! YES! Gladly accepted ^_^

Fair warning: All criticism conducted will be used and stated in order to improve writing skills, not demolish your literary work of art. Do not take anything to heart but keep in mind it's all for helping your performance, not for taking shots in the dark...
BTW, written before poem is read, warning may not be needed depending on poem's quality.

Praise:
A poem with intellect, that I do like and enjoy... plus it has hidden meanings, though what it has to do with Mark Twain I've yet to infer. Not really big on the Twain though, so it could be something fairly obvious that I'm missing... Adore the catchy rhyme scheme though, it's fairly fun. ^_^

Criticism:
I got a little to the point with this and listed all the errors rather than tell you about them in the format of a paragraph... figured it's something you'd more likely appreciate.

In the first line, you're missing an apostrophe "s" at the end of the word "school"

In line 6, wouldn't you agree that for rhythmic purposes "Timmy's" should be changed to "Timothy's"... it's the same name, just worded differently, therefore not much has changed.

In stanza 2, line 2, a "the" is missing between "of" and "town".

In stanza 2, line 5, wouldn't you agree that "U.S." should be left out for rhythmic purposes?... We know already you're acknowledging this is the U.S. you're talking about with the various clues plotted about in the lines before and in the title, so it's easy to infer, and not need.

The last line on stanza 2 needs to be changed... although it supports the line above it, it does not comply in rhythm with the rest of the poem. Not only should the last line of stanza 2 be changed, but another one should be added. My suggestion:
"Even though the president's laziness
Gave them no reason to worry"

In stanza 3, line 2, should be changed for rhythmic purposes. my suggestion is to just add "all" before five.

In stanza 5, line 3, grammar mistake, "to" should be "too"

In stanza 5, line 5, should be "missed" not "miss" and also, switch places with the "I" and "nearly".

In last line of stanza 5, suggesting the removal of "at" for rhythmic purposes.

The last stanza, stanza 6, needs some work. the rhyme scheme was forgotten when written.

Also, when doing political poems, try to avoid a simple rhyme scheme and cheesy lines like presidents looking for fish sticks. Politics is a strong subject, thus should have a strong tone when written or reading. Also, be more adventurous with adjectives and complicate your subjects... Obama did it and look where it got him, a little personality can cover up just about anything, even misleading topics. ;)

Also, you're metaphors were a bit, let's say: Too well hidden. Try putting your ideas in the poem itself rather representing them for something else... for example, a good metaphor for women and whatever abuse, that you refer to, from society is the image of bondage which always usually has a woman bent over... also, include the subjects your metaphors talk about, in the metaphors themself. It is a political poem after all, gotta get your idea across somehow..

Conclusion:
If this is your first poem, I say job well done and it is a great start. And even if it isn't, it's still an pretty good one. Overall score I think at best is 85/100.
Great work, and keep it up.

very interesting write and quite intriguing. makes one think.