From the Start

This is a slightly rhythmic story-ish thing with a few rhymes... There should really be a name for that.

I know it’s been awhile

Since the last time we spoke

But I want to try again

See if we can make it work.

 

I’m more sorry than these written words

Ever could express

I never meant to hurt you, or ever make you cry

But give me time to tell you the truth

We both deserve that much.

 

Once upon a dark, dark time

There lived a girl in a dress

And though she hardly felt like it,

She was in fact a princess

 

The King and Queen

Weren’t always that,

They used to have free time

To spend lovingly

With the Kingdom’s third-in-line.

But then their Queen and King expired

And from that prince and princess,

Two new monarchs were crowned

 

The girl found herself now

To be a sparkling princess

Every young girl’s dream

Except for this teenaged heir.

 

All she ever wanted

Was for time to do the impossible

For the hourglass to turn around

And set  back precious time

She no longer wished her parents

To be the rulers of the stretching land.

 

The stress of being Queen and King

Got to her poor parents

Always fighting, screaming

Never returning to their daughter:

The princess of the stretching land.

 

She loved her parents more than anything

But nevermore did they have time for her

Her heart was slowly breaking

A problem for which their was only one cure.

 

It wasn’t until she turned sixteen

That their attention turned back to her

Not out of love for their daughter

But because she need courtiers.

 

Once again she was their little girl,

“Their pride and soul”

Oh how much they suddenly loved her now.

 

The princess was clever, though

She knew it was just a lie

That was told to the public,

To attract courtiers, far and wide.

 

So she packed her things and ran away

On one stormy night

It was the eve of the first courtier’s

First test to win her hand

 

It was that night that I met you, dear

And you folded me in to your arms

You took me in with a glass of hot cocoa

And comforted me through my tears

You listened as I spoke

But I never told you the whole truth.

 

Thinking about it now

Only makes me wish

I could turn back time

More than I ever have.

 

My dear, I may have failed,
But I have loved you from the start

 

Through the time we’ve spent apart,

They’ve found me once again.

The King and Queen are dead.

 

I’ve severed all my ties with them,

But I’m the only heir.

 

So I’m asking you this one time, dear

Can’t we rule together? 

Reviews

i really, really like this. It's exactly the type of writing i like. Why haven't you shown me this before silly?! (:

[Jim Parson]

A sad tale, ripe with loss and melancholy. A well conceived metaphor, equally well delivered. Good word choices with no pretentiousness. I say a job well done.

[Shane Williams]

Not read it all but it sounds great by the looks of things. Reminds me of the deep poetry/songs/lyrics I do

[Ben Taylor]

Wow. That's a whole story :)
There's a few misspellings (which are inconsequential), and you seem to have incorporated small bursts of rhyme haphazardly into the poem lol. The story is solid, and the "twist" at the end was a very nice touch. :)
Well done.
The only other mentionable thing about this poem is its lack of poetic devices; the story is extremely straightforward, without the voluminous number of adjectives or connotative words generally associated with poetry. It was by no means bad, but it did become slightly bland.
That sounded a bit more rude than I intended it to :(
Don't take offense at the comments I make; I love everything you write :)

Now that its under "story" instead of "poem" this review doesn't really make sense, But I'll still leave it lol.