The stars aren't there anymore

Just something i wrote one night....

In the coldest night

I was waiting

For you

I didn't care about what the others

would say

I had promished you...

 

They warned me

You were lying...

And it was cold

But I stood there

Just waiting to see you...

 

It was the longest night

There weren't any stars

I couldn't see far

But I kept waiting

You had said you would come...

 

In the coldest night of my life

I was waiting

For you

But you never showed up

And I still can't see far

The stars aren't there anymore

Author's Note

please ignore grammar problems!

Reviews

[deadlife]

This is beautifully sad. I can see the darkness of the darkest night in the flowing words..There is longing..And there is hope. But as you said the stars are not there anymore..Eventually the hope dies into the fine threads of time..one by one..Passing away..in despair and those memories are dancing..in the darkness of the night. So wonderfully written.
A brilliant write.
Blessings.

[the_ese]

i hella feel this. very nice. keep up the good-s**t

[Sound]

I think this would make a much better story, rather than a poem. Don't get me wrong, I like the poem. I just think that this poem has more going on than what is written down. I believe it would be better to go more in depth by either extending the poem, or doing a narrative.

[Natasha Ashway]

'In the coldest night of my life

I was waiting

For you

But you never showed up

And I still can't see far

The stars aren't there anymore.'

This is sad. Completely heartfelt and sincere. It's precious - like a hand-written note found in a locker room, something to pick up, fold, and keep crushed in one's palm for a while, just because.

Thanks for sharing.

[Emily Rose]

Very melancholy. I like your interplay between the stars and the story; they work well together. The imagery feels a little lacking, though. You may want to try appealing to more than just the sense of sight.