The stars aren't there anymore

Just something i wrote one night....

In the coldest night

I was waiting

For you

I didn't care about what the others

would say

I had promished you...

 

They warned me

You were lying...

And it was cold

But I stood there

Just waiting to see you...

 

It was the longest night

There weren't any stars

I couldn't see far

But I kept waiting

You had said you would come...

 

In the coldest night of my life

I was waiting

For you

But you never showed up

And I still can't see far

The stars aren't there anymore

Author's Note

please ignore grammar problems!

Reviews

[deadlife]

This is beautifully sad. I can see the darkness of the darkest night in the flowing words..There is longing..And there is hope. But as you said the stars are not there anymore..Eventually the hope dies into the fine threads of time..one by one..Passing away..in despair and those memories are dancing..in the darkness of the night. So wonderfully written.
A brilliant write.
Blessings.

[octane143]

hauntingly sad...it pulls at the heartstrings. Seemed almost like it's a memory I can't quite grasp. I think most of us have been. Beautifully written, the descriptions are so vivd. A stunning read!

[Czar Lyrus]

The Czar proclaims it good! So colorfully constructed, the words flow as if they were a watercolor on paper! Which, ironically, is exactly what watercolors are...

[Helena]

Oh how those stars seem to fade or go away when we are
sad and lonely. Really they are always there, through
sadness and happiness, its just sometimes we choose not
to see them.

Good write my friend

Helena :)

[Karrar]

I can literally FEEL your words piercing through....the sadness is portrayed perfectly! :)

[JRB]

This was a sad write, pains of doubts, contradictions of facts, truths denied, love thought to be found, yet lost to the heart, not seen, thank you for the insight, of wants over riding needs.
Jan/uisiom

[JudyC]

You convey so much sincere feeling in few words--that's not easy to do! The lines "I couldn't see far", and "And I still can't see far" imply an act of faith; you could not see, but you waited anyway. Nice work.

[[untitled]]

In the coldest night of my life
I was waiting
For you
But you never showed up
And I still can't see far
The stars aren't there anymore

This is such a sad write, written so well strong emotion in this.

[Celtic Cat]

ohhhhhhhhhhhh, how utterly sad. Ignoring friends, keeping faith, and being alone in the end is the WORST. Well, maybe there are other things worse, but certainly not while you're standing there in the cold waiting.
Excellent piece. Hopefully, the stars have returned to the sky by now and your protagonist is happy as pie!

[Fire&Ice]

Man. This poem makes me think of a longing, and then a tragedy. I really like how you made the cold night stick through the whole poem. It works. Write on.

[the_ese]

ps.. expectations are going to be the end of us all!