Broken Away

This is my favorite narrative poem that I've written.

She slowly gets up from falling back down

She climbs to her feet without a sound

Her clothes are ripped, her heart is torn

Some say her life is just one big storm

She looks around and sees she's alone

It's now a journey for her to make on her own

She tries to walk but her knees are weak

She tries to scream but can't even speak

Her eyes are red and her head, it hurts

All of this pain, it keeps getting worse

Her dreams are shattered, her hopes are gone

She's out at night, then hides away at dawn

All she wants is a place of her own

Maybe a place to run to and call home

But she knows she'll never get what she wants

Because everyone in this world is just too blunt

She doesn't understand how this could've happened

Now she's alone and they're the ones laughing

SHe has now been walking for quite some time

But she can't find the place where everything is fine

She has directions but they are vague

And everything she sees is not okay

Her other life, it was always under control

But right now she has a whole different soul

And this new life isn't what she wished for

She took the wrong path and opened the wrong door

Now her only wish is to change who she is

To what she was from what she has been

All she is, is just a lost, lonely, little girl

Who is broken away from the rest of the world

Reviews

[vindictivesunshine]

Its a poem with a good flow. There are lines of brilliance also a few over worded lines. But all in all its a great poem

[Matalia Riordan]

I loved the progression of this story there were however a few instances where I felt you got too caught up on the rhyme and the words to really notice the beat. The beat is created from the number of syllables not words in the line so at some points there were either too many or too little beats within the sentence which somewhat halted the flow.

She tries to scream but she can't even speak (just take out the she, it's unnecessary anyway we know who you're talking about)

All of this pain, it keeps on getting worse (get rid of the on and it flows better)

Also dor (door) and gir (girl)

Wonderful poem.

Matalia