Love Potion 2C-2R-4-13

It's another collaboration with the beautiful imagery of Craig Froman!

 

Love Potion 2C-2R-4-13

Stars in heaven like brilliant lace
Cannot compare to your lovely face
It's clear the Deities took their time
With each and every curving line
Perfect eyes to shine at night
Your smile is just the perfect light
You brighten me in every way
your voice to me my sunny day
Your words like wind lift me up
In your touch you fill my cup
Rain of joy anoints my cheeks
Loves sweet kisses softest meeks
The world within your eyes is mine
And golden light around you shines
Rainbows of golden promises tender
Gilding honest me, thy Lover's splendor
Silver rain weeps on your skin
Let our lovers' dance begin
Lithely left foot swings the Beat
Luscious right foot ever so Neat
You sway and the earth stands still
I'm captured by your crimson will
Soft speed, let us not delay,
time is nigh and thou art fay
Lift me with your life divine
The world is right when you are mine...

Author's Note

I hope you get the love from our Potent Potion!

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

This is so gorgeous and sweet! Once again your font coloration and choice are spectacular, and I'm so glad to see that you didn't let the stringent rhyme scheme get in the way of your wordplay! There are places where the rhythm deviates a little and you might want to clean those places up to give the poem more of an air of Perfection. The line "your words like wind lift me up" is a little short, so I suggest inserting a "they" so the line reads like this "your words like wind they lift me up." The line "Rainbows of golden promises tender" (and the subsequent line) don't really fit the rhythm either, but they're such pretty lines it'd be a shame to change them. There is something in that, though: when you say "golden promises tender" you had just used the word "golden" in the last line ("golden light around you shines"), so you may want to change the word for fear of redundancy. Also in the line "luscious Right foot, ever so Neat" you might want to consider changing "ever" to "e'er." It would fix the rhythm and "e'er" seems to fit the style of the poem more, too.

My favorite part of this is undoubtably when the lovers are dancing together - you really capture the movement of dancing and the alliteration is a wonderful treat that helps emphasize the rhythm of the dance. This is great!

[Clockwork]

I most certainly feel the love in this piece. Some of the collaborations I have read in the past do not flow well, but your does. The imagery is stunning. I liked the alliteration towards the end as well (Lithely left...)
This was a very enjoyable and inspiring write. I am eager to read on.

[Sydelle Houston]

Wow, two of you composed this? It's absolute genius! This is one great read, think I'll place it in my library!

[An owl on the moon]

Remarkable when I read back through this! The lines flow like a crystal river, and the font and coloring are exceptional. Thank you, Robin!!!

[Seriana]

I think I said this before, on the other, but I'll say it again. You two write exquisitely together. Your words flow with such ease, such brilliant smoothness, I can hardly tell who wrote which line. Lovely collaboration guys! Keep them coming!