14. Ill Keep Your Memory Vauge

Song by Finger Eleven. When Drew is shot down and goes to drown his sorrows, Kate is there. Drew shows Kate what she wanted to know but wouldn't ask.

 

I woke and groaned at the sun, I looked down at my arm and the fading number, how could things of gone so bad. I can deal with the yelling, the cold shoulders but it was the silence that killed me. I had to make things right with Roxy. I picked up my phone and noticed that there was a missed call but no voicemail from her. I went to my closet and threw on a t-shirt and shorts before I made my way down to the kitchen.

“Mom I’m going out.”

“No you’re eating first buster. Roxy can wait an hour.” I sighed and sat down at the table, I smiled when my mom piled a few Belgian waffles on my plate my mouth watered. I greedily dug in.

“I told you would want to eat son.” I laughed at my mom as I finished off my orange juice.

“Son you have to clean the pool today and mow the lawn.” I sighed.

“Alright be back in an hour?” I looked to my dad pleadingly and he threw me the keys. I jumped for joy and kissed my sister on the cheek on the way out.

“What are you so excited for?” She yelled at me obviously just waking up.

“Freedom what else?” She laughed at me as I took off in the car. I drove to Roxy’s house it was still early but after three days of no calls nothing I had to talk to her in person. I knocked on the door and she answered but when she saw it was me she began to close the door.

“Rox can we please just talk?” She sighed and opened the door. She stepped out onto the driveway and sat on the hood of my car.

“What Drew?” She sounded impatient.

“Look what did you expect me to tell you when you met me, Hey I’m Drew a chick in the process of becoming a guy? I thought you liked me.” She picked at her fingernails.

“I did till I found out everything I built about you was a lie.”

“I told you that night because I like you and I couldn’t lead you on like I did Kate. You deserved better you had to know before you got involved with me. I am still the same guy you met.” She stood.

“No your not. The guy I met was caring and spunky.” I looked at her slightly perplexed.

“What are you saying?”

“I am not gay. I can’t be with you, I won’t tell your secret but I can’t be apart of it.” I looked at her.

“I am not gay, have you not been listening? I’m telling you I am a guy Rox.” She sighed.

“What happens when you want to get physical with a girl?” That’s what this was about.

“There are many ways to go about it. Don’t I deserve a chance?” I said to her back.

“Drew, your caring and all but I can’t do it I’m really sorry.” I just got into my car there was no reasoning with her. I went to the diner and decided to drown everything out in a milkshake. I sat alone in a booth away from the windows.

“Where’s your girl?” I looked up and saw it was Kate.

“Go away.” I really didn’t want to deal with her but she sat across from me.

“Drew.”

“Look you aren’t going to get me to talk to you any more. I lost trust in you and you know how easily I give it back.” I continued to sip on my milkshake.

“So the being there for each other is one way?” I looked up at her and noticed a few other people had started to file in.

“Why are you doing this? Is this some sick twisted joke for you to get back at me after I tried to kill my self? If you really cared you would of stuck around, if you cared you wouldn’t of ran to Derek. If you cared we would be together today and I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of being rejected because of who I am.” I stood and paid for my milkshake and began to leave.

“Why do you think I have been giving you your space?” I got into my car but she followed me and got into the passengers side.

“Can’t you do what you wanted and just leave me alone Kate. How am I supposed to move on, if your there toying me along? That’s what you’re doing right now anyways.” She looked hurt but I didn’t care.

“If this is payback for what I did I already told you I am sorry. But I can’t be with you if you’re just going to toy me along. I was scared to ask you out. I liked it the way it was. When I kissed you, I knew I loved you. But this game were playing is tearing me apart and I am done with it Kate.” I started the engine but she stayed she didn’t move.

“Get out or you’re along for the ride.” She just put her seat belt on and I tore out of the parking lot.

“I’m not trying to toy you along. Why can’t we be friends?” I looked to her.

“Friends only work if there are no feelings in the middle.” I continued to drive towards the outskirts of town.

“So your saying you still have feelings?” I didn’t know what she was getting at.

“What do you want me to say.” I stopped out side the wing where my brother was being held.

“What are we doing here?” I just got out and knew she was following my tail. I walked to my brother’s room and saw his doctor in there. I walked in and the doctor smiled at me.

“How is he doing?” I asked.

“His brain waves are doing better. With the best hope he may pull out of the Coma. But you should know he will never walk again.” I nodded and walked over to the bedside. The doctor left and Kate stood back confused.

“Hello brother.”

“Wait. What?” I turned to Kate and she noticed the face.

“Is that Declan?” I nodded.

“Yeah, he has been alive this whole time. I found out right after you left me. I come see him whenever I need to get things off my mind. I know he listens and doesn’t judge, can’t really.”

“What do you talk about?” I sighed.

“Things that confuse me anger me, you, Roxy and Transitioning. I keep him posted its what he would want to know if he was really here.” I looked down at my brother.

“So all that pain you carried around about killing him.”

“Was unnecessary. To think if I knew he was here I probably wouldn’t of tried to commit suicide. Ivy said something’s that night, like I only brought pain to you, to my family and it messed with my head. I figured that ever since I killed him that I didn’t deserve a second chance to live. That I deserved to die, that’s why I did it. It wasn’t because I wanted to leave you, I wanted to stop causing you pain.” She came over to me and I felt her small hand on my back.

“I’m sorry I never listened. I was scared more than anything, and when that was over I was angry.” I just looked at her how I missed those blue eyes this last month.

“Its over now, time to move on.” I began to walk out of the room and she followed. I drove until I reached the cliff the lake below sparkled and the trees created shade against the sun.

“What is this place Drew?” She began to look around.

“The first place I was going to bring you. Also the place where I tried to end it.” She was looking at me but I trained my eyes on the water below.

“Why did you bring me along here and not just home?” Curiosity dripped from her voice.

“You wanted to know what I have been doing. I’ve thought it over and realized I was losing grip on who I am. I kept going to those two places here more. I brought you here to show you what we could have had, had I not screwed up.” I looked over to her and she came closer.

“I had a whole speech for you to take me back, I would of done anything for you, probably still would to get you back. To be able to call you mine, to take you here.” She sat next to me on the hood.

“So why didn’t you? I would of said yes.” I looked at her; all of this pain could be avoided?

“I found you in his arms, like Roxy said. When it come time for when you want something physical he can provide. I can’t, overall we all won.” She laughed.

“How things only got fucked up.” I laughed at her language.

“You have someone who can treat you like a man, I didn’t get my heart broken to bad and found another who made me realize I will be alone.” I stood and began to walk away.

“You won’t be alone.” I turned to her.

“I am perfectly fine with being alone.” I made my way back to the car and waited for her to join me before I drove her home.

“Maybe Roxy will come around.” I sighed.

“Doubt it. But who knows.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek before she got out.

“If its any consolation you are still really cute.” I laughed.

“Get out.” She shut the door and I drove home. I was at peace finally with what happened between Kate and I.