5. To the Wolves

Song by Anberlin- An encounter leaves Drew feeling less than, he copes the only way he knows how.

 

I hated the summer months, it meant it was to hot for sweatshirts. The loss of the sweatshirt also meant that it was harder to hide the fact that I was not biologically a guy. I walked along the side of the street uncomfortable at the stares of those who passed me by, as if their stare could penetrate my clothing and see the body I loathe. I passed the high school that I had attended and possibly will leave. I passed the sign and the faded words ‘Fallhorn High’ could barely be made out against the cement backdrop. I made my way down the drive and walked to behind the school to the softball field. The field was worn but I knew that last season would be the last time I joined my friends on this field. Memories of all the loss and gain that occurred on this field like many others were imprinted in my mind. When I played softball it was the only time I felt as if I didn’t have to be a girly girl that the occupants of the school held me to. I could get all sweaty and run around and throw the ball hard as I could to whom ever. It was a place to rid of my umbrage towards the way I felt. It was here I realized I had fallen for my friend freshman year, when I sought her out above all others. The connection we held as pitcher and catcher was one that couldn’t be replaced. It was as if we could anticipate the others moves by the simple look of the eye. This field was also the place that we won the state title. How do I move on from a life that I led to the life I wanted.

"So what are you doing here?" I jumped slightly at the intrusion to my thoughts and turned to see a smirking Danielle.

"Just thinking." My heart beat began to slightly race. But i tried to sound as non challant as I could. Her eyes were sizing me up and I knew she was one person who could destroy me.

"Bout what? I am a decent soundboard." She had never met 'Drew' before and there she sat practically throwing her self at me. Her roaming eyes made me wish I had a sweatshirt, to hide for the greedy look she was sending my way.

"I'm good." She laid her perfectly manicured fingers on my arm and I felt a chill run down my spine.

"Come on Drew, I know you want me." I almost slipped from the bench when I saw her draw near.

"I have a girlfriend." Remembering the conversation with Kate when she told me about what happened at the mall.

"She doesn't need to know."She tried to sound seductive but it just came out desperate to my ears. I placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Get off of me I don’t know you." My mind raced to think of a way to escape this situation with out hurting a friend.

"Oh. Yes you do." I pushed her away and a perfectly manicured finger slapped my cheek. I reached up and felt the warm liquid start to drip from the fresh cut.

"Get away from me you b***h." I pushed her away and stood. I hated being mean, to show weakness. But if she found out it would be the start of hell. I turned the corner and cursed the body I lived in. I had a decent...well woman come on to me and I couldn't react. I pulled out my pocket knife and in the safety of the woods, i slipped into a pain free world. I began to walk home not caring of the stares. I didn't notice when I bumped into someone. I looked down and saw Ivy.

"Sorry bout that sis." I held out a hand for her to get up.

"I've been looking for you Drew." I gave her a questioning glance but she started towards home.

"We are having a family dinner and I invited my boyfriend." I stopped and turned to my sister.

"Boyfriend?" She just rolled her eyes and kept pulling me along.

"Yeah you'll love him" I kept walking not wanting to pop my sisters happy mood.

"So...Whats his name?" She eyed me with a look saying if you screw this up I will kill you.

"Carter, I met him in my psych class and been dating five months."

"So you decided to bring him home?" I said with slight laughter in my voice." She slapped the back of my neck and her eyes widened when she noticed the blood. She yanked me around when I started to walk away.

"Explain yourself." She noticed the cut on my left cheek and began tracing it with her thumb.

"Running through the woods and tripped." I said shaking my shoulders, she knew she wasn't going to get anything out of me, she just walked past me disgusted and went towards home. She went up to her room to make a call. I decided to take a shower and erase the remnants of the day away. I grabbed a change of clothes and let the cool water wash away the dried blood and cool me down. I stepped out and instantly felt hot again. I sighed at all the clothes i had to put on especially if her boyfriend was coming over. I skipped an under shirt knowing that I could just put my binder on and be a bit uncomfortable then I would be cooler. I walked back into my room drying off my hair letting it fly every which way. I was about to throw my towel on the chair when I noticed it had an occupant.