3. Iris

Song by the Goo Goo Dolls. Drew faces his family and some secrets of the past come out.

 I looked to my mother a ball of nerves. She looked up at me shocked. No longer before her stood her 16 year old girl. I was now her son, I had to make her see reason. I looked at Kate who just smiled.

“Jan what did you do to your self?” I looked over at my sister home from college and she looked up. Shock was on all there faces but my fathers. I couldn't read his face.

“I didn't do anything mother. This is me.” She stood and touched my face.

“You look like a boy.” I smiled at least I could pull it off.

“That's because I am. Mom I never have felt right in this body. I feel trapped, that everything girl is wrong. I only feel right as a guy.” I held up the fringe on the back of my neck where since I was ten and realized it was the wrong body for me, I would cut a nick in my neck every time I suffered from an episode where my gender got to be to much. There were 76 little cuts. 76 times where I felt I had to punish my body for punishing me.

“There are 76 cuts. 76 times that when I looked at my self I felt like my body was punishing me. The first one was from when I got my period the first time, when I was ten. I can't live as a girl, it kills me; when I feel like a guy.”

“My beautiful baby girl, where did you go? When you were born we were so excited that there was another little girl. Jan how can you say this?” He sighed.

“What do you want? Me to do lie to you? Mom if I stayed a girl any longer, you wouldn't like how I would of ended up.” I didn't want to admit this in front of Kate but she knew more than my parents.

“How is that Jan?” My mother was struggling with this to say the least.

“Dead. I was tired of feeling punished, it was either this or I just ended it.” I heard Kate give a small gasp.

“I can't do this. Jan you are my little girl not my son.” She walked off.

“It's Drew now mom.” I twisted me to see my mother cry but she went up stairs. I went to go to her, but my father was standing next to me.

“I had a suspicion. I will go calm your mother.” I was glad my dad wasn't angry, sad whatever my mother felt right now.

“Good going sis.” I glared at my sister.

“Shut up.” She stood.

“You are no guy, you are a girl. Hell you aren't even my sister.” I grabbed her wrist.

“Twelve cuts, were because of you.” I let her go.

“Oh, so you think you can just come in here and guilt trip me into your latest stunt? Grow up Jan.” I was pissed. She began to walk away before I shouted.

“Wasn't that what Brian said before he stomped your heart. To grow up?” She stopped.

“How dare you.” I was angry.

“Why can't you accept me?” She looked away.

“Because I see you as my little sister. Now 16 years later shes just gone? Jan this one bad joke.” She walked away and I slumped into the chair. Kate came and sat on the chair arm.

“Why didn't they accept like you?” I felt her run a hand through my hair it was calming.

“They need time to adjust. Acceptance doesn't come at beck and call. Something for sixteen years was built now it vanished replaced by something foreign. It takes time to accept.” I sighed.

“There my family, there supposed to love me.” I heard her sigh.

“They do, change over night has waves you just got to ride out. You will see they don't love you any less.”

 

* Drew mother Pov

“See Molly he is happy.” I sighed and leaned against my husband, we stood at the top of the stairs and watched my daughter, now son seek comfort from his best friend. Whether they know it or not but there is something there other than friendship. I feared for my son, if people found out then they would try to destroy him. But 76 cuts, I saw that he couldn't go back. But what do we tell everyone, Jan can't just disappear. The road ahead of us was going to be hard. I walked down the stairs and they instantly straightened up at the sight of me.

“Relax you two. Ja..Drew, sorry that’s going to take some getting used to. I don't love you any less, its hard to know my daughter is gone, and it is going to be hard to get you through school. I mean how is Jan just supposed to disappear.” He had no idea.

“I don't know. All I do know is I can't be Jan.” I walked over to my son and hugged him. He held on just as tight.

“Kate would you like to stay the night.” She looked up as if I broke her out of a thought.

“I'd have to call my mom, my dad wasn't exactly approving of Drew.” That man feared my son and there would be many others. I saw Kate walk off to probably call her mother.

“What are we going to tell the family.” Drew had an evil smirk and I knew that he didn't exactly approve of his family.

“We will show them, at the wedding next month.” I looked at him skeptically.

“We would have to warn your cousin.” He smiled satisfied.

“Can I go get some movies?” I looked to Corbin and he just smiled.

“You got to pay son.” He just shrugged and went to the stairs.

“Yo Ivy!” He shouted up the stairs. I heard a door open.

“What do you want?” I take it Ivy is not becoming accepting and I should of figured that.

“What movie do you want?”

“You paying?”

“Well then get me Salt.” He walked back into the living room. He had a silly grin on his face as he held his hand out for Kate. If I knew any better maybe they would get together. The walked out and I walked up the stairs to my temperamental 20 year old daughter. She was lying on her bed.

“What was that with your brother.”She looked at me and had a dangerous look in your eye.

“You mean my sister.” I sat on the edge of her bed.

“I know its hard, but look at what not being a guy did to Jan. You know its not easy for me either knowing that my daughter is my son.” She turned her head away.

“It's just that she was the little girl who had tea party's with me, the little girl who would tag along with my friends.” I reached out to my daughter.

“She was the same girl who doted on your brother. The same girl who loved to get in the mud and wrestle with him.” I saw her look over at the photo on her bed side.

“What would Declan say? I just think that this is stunt to be him.” I looked at my ten year old son with my eight and five year old daughter.

“He would be ecstatic there was another man in the house to overpower us woman. He would be there for your brother and he would of helped him, with any issue. He would help him with the girls and he would support your brother.” It had been two years since my son's death. I knew it hit Ivy hard but the blow was worse on Jan. I heard a knock on the door.

“Ivy, he knew. I told him a month before he died. He caught me cutting my neck.” I turned around and looked at my now son.

“He knew Drew?” I saw my son look at his hands.

“We were going to tell you, the night of his death. Him being out late was my fault, he was going to get everything we needed to tell you. Once he died I couldn't tell you, so I hid it until I was ready again.” Ivy stood from the bed.

“Him getting hit by that car was your fault!” I held my daughter back.

“Ivy, relax.” She looked at me.

“Don't tell me to relax mother, my older and real brother died for this thing! He was my best friend.” The tears flooded my daughters eyes.

“Ivy, I tried to hold him back. I tried but he thought he had enough time to cross, when I refused he turned and saw how close the car was. I watched our brother die! It was all an accident.” My daughter started to cry and I saw my son who was now hugging Kate who came up the stairs at the yelling.

“Why would Declan run out in the road?” It made no sense. I knew that my children were together but I was to glad one was alive while we waited the three days before he passed away in a coma.

“He said he was being a man. That we could out run it.. but I knew we couldn't. He was trying to cheer me up, show me how to be a real man.” I looked at my son who spoke with the most sincerity since his brother died.

“Ivy I never meant for him to die. He was the one that was there for me, when I wanted to transition.” I let go of my daughter who then embraced her brother. Drew stood a head taller than Ivy who was a good 5'6''. His road was long and he wouldn't get any surgeries until after his senior year. I feared for my son who had a hard road ahead of him.