Desire

"We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied us."- Francois Rabdais

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With every beginning there is an ending, and with one ending another beginning. Life is just like that, except it took me too long to realize that. My ending came to soon. I sit here against the car and wonder why life was so cruel, I had lost my mother. Now I am going to lose my family, my baby girl and my girlfriend. The sole people who mean so much that I couldn't let them know what was going on. I guess I should start where the path began. Trust me it wasn't an easy one....

There she was, fiery red hair and skin pale as porcelain. She was beautiful a goddess and totally not mine. I stared her down with my cool emerald eyes hoping she would look at me and I could finally look deep into her bright brown eyes. I felt a hand slap my arm and I tried not to spill my coffee all over me.

"What the hell dude?" I turned to Mitchel. His blue eyes and facial expression showed that he noticed me staring.

"You know that’s dangerous territory. She is Carson's girl, you know the boys father who put your mother six feet under?" I stood and rounded on Mitchel.

"Never bring up my mother." I grabbed his collar.

"That b******s father, is a psycho." I let go of his collar and he stood up and stood his ground.

"It runs in the family. Obviously your trying to repeat history." I clenched my fist and slammed it into the side of Mitchel's face.

"Damn it Dave, take your anger out in the ring. Fighting me is going to do nothing." He said while nursing his sore cheek.

"Both of you out of here! This is a coffee shop not a boxing ring." Mitchel grabbed my shirt and dragged me out into the warm air.

"Great going Casanova. She will really want you now." I stood and looked at him.

"Well every time I look at her you got to bring up my mother! I told you never speak of her." I shouted.

"She has been gone sixteen years, Dave. You never knew her! Time to move on." He shouted as i walked away, I turned and shouted.

"Easy for you to say! You have your parents." In a week would be the anniversary of my mothers death. She died exactly four months after I was born seventeen years ago. My father never spoke of it. I found through newspapers that she was stabbed, by Carson's father Daniel. Carson hated me and my dad because he thinks it is the reason why his father is in Jail not realizing that my dad had little to do with it. I threw my fists in my pocket and began a long walk to the Gym, I had to work out. Walking down to the gym and changing into my boxing shorts I began my usual routine. I climbed the rope, punched the bag with the steady rhythm left, right, left, round house kick. While breathing in an out on each punch. Slowly my anger ebbed away as I beat the bag.

"Your here early Dave." I turned to my coach.

"Had some issues to work through." I began punching again and my coach came over holding the bag.

"Fighting is not for the purpose of revenge." I slowly stopped punching.

"It's not revenge, just life’s frustrations." He nodded at me and then came around the bag.

"Walk with me Dave." We began to walk around the Gym.

"It's that time of year again isn't it?" I sighed.

"Seventeen long years, it just sucks I never got to know her."

"Doesn't your father open up? Have you ever asked him." I shuffled my feet.

"He doesn't like talking about her, I asked him once and he said to never ask about that and I haven’t talked since."I felt a big hand on my shoulder.

"When did you ask?"

"Right before I joined here four years ago. I was fed up of people asking me about my mother and having no answers. I came here to just beat something, get the anger out of me."

"You have changed since I met you. You are a skilled fighter, you have the passion and the drive. But the thing you lack is desire. It is a road block keeping you from being your best. You desire knowledge, you have it. Just got to unlock it." We sat down at his desk.

"The knowledge that I seek, is out of my grasp. My father never opens up about my mother. He just lives on auto mode. It's been seventeen years and he can't open up, its as if he is still in shock and waiting for her to come through the door." I took the offered cup of coffee.

"We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied us. You were denied your mother and seek the answers but fighting isn't the way to get it out. You have one match then I want you to go home, or go out. Do something, just be a kid get your mind off of it. I think the park would be a good place for you to wander." I stood and we walked out to where the other boys were lined up. This was my place to lead. The team looked to me and i lead them.

"Boys, next week we have the tournament that can put us on the map or leave us here. No one waits for you. You have to bring your all. We train all year for this tournament and we will bring home the trophy this year.” Coach broke us into groups and I was up for the first match. Mitchel tightened my gloves and handed me my mouth guard. I looked across the way to Miles. His stature was small but he could easily hit me low. Coach had us face off and then the fight began. He dived for my leg and swung around so his arms wrapped around my neck. He tried to go for the choke but I reversed and he was flat on his back. I towered over him. My right fist collided with his face then his left hand blocked my other shot but was not ready for the blow to the gut. He kicked me off with his legs. He threw a punch right and I dodged left. This kid was a rookie. I dived and grappled him to the ground and had his arm in an arm bar. He brought his fist around hitting me squarely in the gut. He stood over me, I blocked the shot till I brought his neck close rolled slightly and had him in a choke. He refused to tap out no matter how much I tightened my grip on him. In those seconds were he lost his consciousness it reminded me of my first fight where I thought I could just wait it out but in the end I ended up getting beat. This guy was just like me. I let him go and realized he was still on the ground. I stood above him and slapped his face a little. He came around.

“Next time tap out there dude.” I helped him up and he stood a bit unsteady. I shook my head. For some reason I felt calm. I looked out side and realized it had gotten dark.

“Dave go home.” I took off my gloves and went to the locker room. I threw my gloves and mouth guard into the locker before I stripped off the sweaty clothes and went into the showers to clean up. I dressed and walked out to my Audi. I slipped into the worn leather seat and started the engine. I drove along the beach and noticed a figure running, normally I didn't see anyone at the beach I visited. I parked the car and got out to see who it was. She stopped as she noticed me walking towards her. When I got closer even in the pale moonlight I knew who it was.

“What are you doing here?” She spoke as she pushed a red curl behind her ear.

“Came to see who was on the beach.” I began walking with her.

“So you know. What are you doing here Dave?” I just walked.

“I come here, the same time every year.” She stopped walking and looked at me, I just sat down in the sand.

“Why?” I looked over to the rocks.

“My mother died here.” She faced me, urged me with her eyes to continue on.

“Carson's father was jealous of my father and mother. My mother is... was his ex-lover. My mother fell out of love with him and fell for my father. But back in school, Daniel and my father James were rivals. My mother was pregnant with me, that is when the battle started. It was a rainy night, my mother was eight months along and Carson's father Dan had snapped, he rammed my mothers car off the road down those rocks. She was taken to the hospital and died but I was saved. So every time this year I come out here for a reason I don't know.” I stood and walked over to the rocks. I stood on the same rock that the car went off of.

“You come out here, because this is your beginning. You try to recreate the scene, so you know something of your mother.” I just stared out over the ocean and saw the moon reflect against the diamonds in the ocean. I looked to Sienna who stood next to me.

“I will never know, only know that it was Carson's father who killed my dreams of a family. Carson hates me because he thinks it was my fault that his father is in jail, but its not.” I picked up a stone and threw it into the ocean, where the sound was masked by the waves crashing against the shore.

“I really should be going. I don't Carson after me. See you around Sienna.” I walked off the rocks and took one last look at the beauty standing on the rocks. I continued to walk back to my car.