Always Alone

A teenager thought it would be better to run from the childrens home but as she ages she realizes she may of made a mistake.

 

What do you do when the people you love leave? When you need someone, and no one is ever around. Do you really know what it's like to live alone. Do you wish that sometimes your parents were never there? I wished that same thing and now I sit alone in a dingy apartment, barely the age of 16. I have no money and run from child services who think another family would be better for me. But they never know the true feelings of a child who's parents gave them away.

 

It would start easy enough, two people who thought they loved each other, have a kid. But once the kid arrives then they realize they weren't ready and nine months ago they just merely gave into lust. The baby becomes to much to handle and even though they say, they love the child. Next thing they know the child ends up in child services.

 

When your a baby everyone wants you. So you go to a home and wait for some family that thinks they need another kid or would rather take someone else's child. Most times the house they test you out in doesn't work out so they send you back. That home you left a few months ago is now full and they place you in another town, another building that has no meaning. By this time though you have started to grow. Before the age of five is the easiest to place because the scars. They figure of the pain of parents leaving can be healed on an impressionable child. But once you turn five the harder they figure you are to handle. They don't realize that the kids aren't not able to be loved they just never knew it. They by now know that somewhere out there their blood lines left them and no other family could compare to those of blood no matter how hard it got. So the kids don't risk loving someone. When the someone is a stranger, that knows nothing of you other then what is written in a file. They keep trying you out in houses where they think the kids would be deemed fit. But there all the same. Two people who try to hard to love someone when they don't know them. Love can not form over the course of a night or through a photograph. So by the time you turn eight your hope for the love you desperately seek is slowly fading. By the time your ten that hope is gone and you give up on a crazy thing called love and you ask your self why?

 

Why was it me that had to go through this? Why couldn't I of been loved? Why am I not good enough for anyone? By the time you hit your teens you give up. You wait out your days till you turn eighteen and are legally an adult. Child services can no longer control you. Or you could be like me. Get a mediocre job under a false name and age lying saying your eighteen this way if they come looking for you, they don't find you. Once you build up your money and have enough for a cheap crappy apartment in the city you make your break. Through the bedroom window they never lock. Or just walk out the front door. On your back is the sole hand me downs they gave you. You walk the country side, or step put into the rush of the city at night. The apartment may leak, have holes but its away from people who think that they can love you. Think that they need you. Your meals start getting farther apart as you save for the apartment you rent. It's hard finding a job when you have no degree, haven't even finished high school. They take a look at you and think your some kind of criminal. Another day you sleep on a cot that was left. When they come knocking on your door and you barely have the money to pay. Couple of months go by and you start to stretch thin, meals almost become forgotten and when you have them, they never last long. You search for a way to get education so you can move on in life.

 

Spend seventeen alone and by the time your eighteen it's the same as if you just started out. By now you wonder. Did I really do the right thing or was I just another. Another who thought I could fare the world on my own. One who thought had it all figured out until the little bubble popped and everything came crashing down. By now you realize you will always be alone.

Reviews

[Cafe Reader]

Very strong writing. Well expressed.

[halflives]

This story is powerful and gets the point across. Great.

[Cliff Rhodes]

Thank you for this story, a really great reading and very enlightening.

Sad story but true for so many and they go through a lifetime of challenges but maybe the best thing the parents ever did was to give them up. I know that sounds cold and cruel but they might have been thinking in the right direction. Good sound principles are the ideal to look for in life and not some human being to always look up to for good advice and parental care. All children need and deserve good parents but the truth is that even the average "good" parents are really lacking in great moral judgment and life choices. With a good compass for character you are never really alone. Life will take care of you just fine.