I wanna say you something

I wanna say you something.

Are you going to listen me?

I wanna say you something.

From the day, when i saw you.

I loved you, without a reason.

Cos i have no expectations.

You are the only destination.

I wanna say you something

Are you going to listen me?

I wanna say you something

don't test me, till i cry.

My love for you is not a lie.

When i express it, you think I'm high.

And this makes me cry like anything.

But then i stop, just because of one thing..

Baby i wanna say you something.

Are you going to listen me?

I wanna say you something.

I can break into pieces,

to see your smile.

Impressing you being fake

is not my style.

I don't know,if you love me or not.

I trust you baby and you are my god.

And remember one thing,

I may die one day.

But my love is never ending.

I wanna say you something.

I wanna say you something. 

Author's Note

I am beginner and this is my first poem.
So kindly post your review about my writing skills, either if it is positive side or negative side.
Thank you all

Reviews

[emmajoy]

Thank you for inviting me to read your first poem, it's such an honour

Your words are truly wonderful, passionate and loving, they tell such a private story, calmly, almost perfectly but ..

maybe you could adjust the meter a little .. maybe read your words aloud, then lose some of them or shift them around .. find a rhythm if you can ..

i'm not an expert, but there are superb writers in the Cafe and the more you read, the more you'll understand, then improve whatever skills you think are necessary.

Whatever you do, keep writing, there 's amazing potential in your first poem .. truly.

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Interesting. "I wanna say you something," is a very unique phrase I haven't heard. It's almost lyrical, reads like a song. I loved the poem, I thought it read smoothly, and it could be read many times, and still be good. So nice job! Look for my friend request.

[Dark Empress]

Great poem I enjoyed it

[dovetailer]

I agree with the others...this is a wonderful first poem...heartfelt plaint to declare your love and be taken seriously...

"...I don't know,if you love me or not.
I trust you baby and you are my god.
And remember one thing,
I may die one day.
But my love is never ending..."

I love this part...believing that the love you offer is eternal...which it may or may not be...there are all kinds of love...I do believe true, honest love can transcend our life...if that love is a spiritual thing...

Now, you have to write another...

[deeps]

I really enjoyed this piece, I am glad Emma sent this to me to read.
I can really feel your emotions, They are real and powerful and
most of truthful. I like this. Simply Stunning!!

[marcie]

For a first attempt this is pretty good . Like Emma said read it through and find a rhythm even if it means slightly rewording in places , maybe altering the past / present tense . Im not an expert by any means its merely a suggestion . Keep at it and im sure you will do just fine . Thank you Emma for suggesting this piece to me xx

[Arthur Henn]

I think what you have written as you first poem is running in the shadows of booting me right out of the cafe here.

This is a beautifully written piece, written for someone you care so much for. As Emma said. Your words are right on. reread and listen to what you hear your voice whisper as you say the words.

The words will readjust, our words we write my friend are alive. They will let you see, feel and hear what needs to be changed. This poem is a winner of choice as your first poem. Keep writing. Never stop! You are well on your way.

[An owl on the moon]

I just loved the musical feel of this piece, and how the repetition brought alive your thoughts and feelings. There truly is a lyric feel to what you say, a rhythm and beat that brings the message home. Very tender, loving poem shared with an open heart.