Bradley Sands is a DIck

This is my entry for the Bradley sands is a Dick competition.

 

“Sic simper tyrannis!” Chase slammed his massive fist against the splintering wood of the communal podium. This being the third podium pilfered this month, he tried to go easy on it without it seeming that his piss had been pissed and his vinegar used to compliment a salad.

Beneath him, a lake of lobster fisted youths pumped their mighty claws in the air and repeated, “Sic simper tyrannis!”

He looked out at the pasty, pimpled faces of the revolution and spoke with conviction. “No longer will we live in the shadows! No longer will we be forced to sustain ourselves on the garbage of the normals! I say, here and now, that we are not inferior monsters and if the normals persist in treating us as such we will show them what monster truly means!” He brought his fist down again and with it the podium.

The crowd let out a high pitched roar of conviction and once again chanted, “Sic simper tyrannis!”

His bloodshot eyes darted over the crowd as he paced back and forth; sweat dripping from his crimson cheeks.

Behind him the jogger twisted and cried, forehead still damp with dew from his morning run. His face, paler than the white stripes of his jogging shorts, contorted into a mask of panicked confusion. Only fifteen minutes ago he had watched his daughter board the school bus. Twelve minutes ago he had finished his daily protein bar and embarked on his morning jog. Now, bound to a weather beaten picnic table in the midst of an angry mob of mutants, he could only think about how late he was going to be for work.

Ignoring the man behind him, Chase basked in the glow of a single floodlight and flexed a little. “Looking out at all of you, I don’t see lobsters. I see the next step in evolution. I see free men who are ready to do what it takes to break free from the chains which society has forced upon us. This is our day, brothers. Today will go down in history as the day the Iiites reclaimed their liberty!!”

The hobbledehoy revolutionaries cheered and jumped clumsily around like clockwork gorillas in the dashboard of a moving minivan. The sweet smell of justice hung sweet and pungent in the back of their throats.

The jogger, unable to bear the ambiguity any longer, gathered his strength and bellowed over the hoardlet, “Excuse me, but what the hell is going on? Why did you tie me to this table and what the f**k are you all doing in the sewer?”

Chase cracked an amused grin and turned, “Oh, I’m sorry. I suppose that all this is a tad unusual. Allow me to explain. We are sick of the way you people treat us. We are going to take our lives back by any means necessary. You have been chosen as the metaphorical hymen of injustice and we are going to bust you now.”

“Why me? What the f**k did I do? I don’t have a problem with lob… I mean Iiites. I always thought you guys got a bum deal.”

“Sure you did. That’s why you almost called us lobsters just now. Tell me, why should we be second class citizens just because our DNA reacted differently to the radiation than yours?”

“You shouldn’t. Just like I shouldn’t be ritualistically brutalized for the same reason. Nobody knew that the Ii controllers contained radioactive capsules. Everybody was at risk. Some people mutated, others didn’t. Neither group is to blame for the way our bodies reacted.”

The decoupaged roach wings of Chase’s shirt shimmered like death’s fingernails as he placed his enormous hand on the Jogger’s arm. “True. It’s not your fault that we were forcefully evolved. That’s not the problem. We’re stronger and smarter than you and proud of it.  However, it is your fault that we were shunned from society, fired from our jobs, taunted, and victimized. This isn’t about you personally. This is just what happens when a society becomes fucked up enough to allow this to happen.”

“It’s bad enough when one country pays another to take their radioactive waste and the other bottles it up and sells it back to them in the guise of a family oriented gaming system, but you people had to make it worse by persecuting everyone who was affected by it. Your petty jealousy at our physical prowess dragged us from the spotlight of professional sports into the darkness of the sewers. A society so jaded, heartless, and insecure  doesn’t deserve to exist. Today we’re making a stand for justice and making it possible for Iiitis to be the blessing that it was meant to be rather than the curse that you people made it.”

“But I liked it when you guys were in professional sports. Bradley Sands was my childhood hero.”

“Bradley sands? That toe headed m**********r owes me fifty dollars.”

The crowd began to murmur in agreement.

“Yeah that guy owes me money too.”

“He donkey punched my sister.”

“That guy’s a f*****g dick.”

“He gave me anal warts.”

“I’m pretty sure he ate my cat.”

Their collective rage grew as they heard each others experiences with Bradley Sands. It wasn’t long before someone uttered the classic angry mob cliché. “Get ‘em,” came a voice from the back. Soon, they were all gathered around the breakfast table pulling the helpless jogger apart like a cheap chocolate bunny.

Chase stood apart from the rest, giggling as cold black blood clotted on his lips. “So this is what fruition looks like,” he thought as he slunk away. Countless months of repeating adaptations of Mein Kamph had drained him of his conviction. All that was left was the knowledge that he would be the new messiah. He would lead the revolution to change the world. Iiites the world over would worship him as a god and normals would s**t themselves when they heard his name. And that was only the beginning.

Author's Note

I had a 1,000 word limit. I hate word limits. This short was a lot better before I had to delete 100 words.

Reviews

[xX-tito24-Xx]

I am definitely impressed, you took the whole "mutated people living like outcasts in the sewers" thing to a new level, I love how you included a brief background as to HOW they became mutants... Also, the nuclear waste inside of family games thing was a very interesting thing to let my mind run off with.

Dialog was pretty good, it flowed smoothly and didn't have that "looks great on paper but would never work if someone actually SAID it" property that so many people are unable to avoid, I especially liked the part where the Liites are shouting out slurs about Bradley Sands, giving a serious piece just a pinch of humor is something that I love to see.

Can't wait to read some of the other stories that you have up here :)

VC5

[Lucy Landers]

Triumphant.

[Lucy Landers]

I haven't even finished the damn thing, I'm tenuously hanging on to understanding, but I have to tell you, I'm loving it!