One of Many

My throat itches.

Tanks are an odd concept. It represents death and fear to most, but to me, it’s my home. It almost 

seems unfair, us being safe inside the walls, shooting at everyone else out there.

Huh.

The sunset is beautiful. Almost makes the battlefield look like a nice place to be.

The fresh air feels nice.

Wish the tank’s engine wasn’t so loud, but then again I’d rather move than not, and it did get us through another successful mission.

Hold on, we lost two tanks. Eight soldiers, dead. Was this a success?

No, I can only afford to worry about my crew. All safe. Did my job. Thank God we made it out. 

“Hey boss, you okay back there?”

Why can’t I say anything? I need to hide my cough. Just give them a thumbs up, some 

indication. 

My throat hurts a little.

Just get back to headquarters. 

“We can stop if you need a break!”

Thumbs down. One step at a time. Must report back. This will pass.

My throat aches.

Finally back. Get to the field hospital. Fast. They’re clearing a cot for me. 

My throat burns.

. . .

It’s difficult to open my eyes. Feels like dried tears. Medics look busy, I’ll wait.

Man am I thirsty. At least my throat feels better.

Is the tent dirtier than when I got here? Nah, probably just the light. 

How busy are these medics? Oh finally, they’ve noticed I’m awake.

“Don’t try to speak, you need to rest your voice.”

“What? Why?”

What the hell is he talking about?

“It’s Aphonia. Breathing in all that bad air in the tank messed up your vocal chords. Your 

voice is ruined. Sorry man, there’s no treatment, especially not out here.”

Well what am I supposed to do now? I can’t abandon my crew!

“Lieutenant!”

Crap, the captain. Why now?

“Lieutenant, I talked with the medics. You are no longer fit to command, you’re being 

sent to the rear, and probably home from there.”

This can’t be happening. I have to be with my crew, I’m the only one who can protect them.

“Let me stay, I have to keep them safe, I can still talk, see?”

It sure is hard to talk, I hope he buys it. I need to do this, it’s my duty.

“Absolutely not! How are you supposed to communicate with your men if you can’t 

talk?”

“But sir! I can talk, see! Please, I can’t let my men die, only I can protect them!”

Throat hurts… so badly…

But I must, I have no choice.

“Alright, if you think you’re all better, go back for one more medical before heading out, 

if they say you’re good, you can go.”

“Yes sir!”

I’m gonna throw up. Get behind a tent, nobody can see me. Can’t see I’m sick.

Can’t go for another medical, there’s no way I’ll be cleared. Just head out.

…

So far so good. The boys think I’m fine. Gotta keep them sa- BOOM

Ambush! F**k! How many? One, two, in the trees. Gotta let them know

“Target right!”

“Identified!”

“UP!”

“FIRE!”

Missed.

“KILL DOUBTFUL, RELOA- BOOM

F**k f**k f**k. They hit one.

“HMLS WAR TRAIN DOWN!”

“SIR, I CAN’T LOCATE THE TARGET!

This was a mista-

Focus.

“TARGET THREE O’CLOCK!”

“IDENTIFIED!”
“UP!

“FIRE!”

Missed again. This isn’t how this was supposed to go.

“SIR!”

I’ve failed.

“COMMANDER! PLEASE!”

Doesn’t matter. Have to get them out of this.

“TARGET MOVING, TARGET F-”

Not now. Please God not now. I can see him. He’s right there. I need to tell them. 

BOOM

“HMLS TERRY DOWN!”

“COMMANDER I NEED EYES!”

“F**K WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

I shouldn’t have done this. I’m a horrible person. I thought I was the only one who could protect them. Why did I think I could? 

What the f**k am I BOOM thinking? I need to get us out of here!

“RETRE-”

F**K, we’re dead. Did the third tank go down? How did I not notice that? I need to pull it 

together. Can’t speak, gotta do it myself.

“Captain? What are you-? You want to drive? What the f**k is going- ok, ok, drive, 

FAST!”

Just floor it in reverse. We can make it. We will make it. I will keep them ali- CRACK

S**t! Did they just hit the fuel tank? Oh God, we really are going to die. I did this. It’s all my fault. My goddamn overconfidence- I just wanted to protect my crew, and instead I got an entire platoon killed. How can I live with myse- 

BOOM.