Chapter Ten

“Can’t what?! Stop beating us? Why not? You know how un-f*****g-fair it is that you would continue beating us after dad died? I know you mom.” Salem reached out and grabbed his mother's arm, his voice lowering to a soft plea. “You wouldn’t do it unless he asked you to. So why would you continue doing it even after he died”

She sighed and shook her head. “And how do you know my life before I met your father! Huh Salem? I wasn’t your mom. You don’t know what I was like!”

“Victoria tells me everything. You were an amazing mother before you met my dad, and I’m so sorry that you did. She told me what happened to you. I know about you and Victoria.” Hazel shook her head more and covered her mouth as more tears streamed down her face. “You gave up so much for her. They were going to take her powers away too, but you begged them. Pleaded  with them. Did relentless research to keep her powers her own.”

“And how would she know?” She spat out. “She was just a baby. I still had to carry her around.”

“You told her.” She shot him a glare.

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter. I am a changed woman and I have learned the many, many, ways to abuse someone from him and I would do the worst kind Salem!” She slammed the ladle down on the stove and looked down then back over at him with her tired eyes. “All those memories are ingrained in your head! To your eyes I will never stop beating you! And not just you! Victoria will always have those memories. Salem, she will be a mother one day and what image am I putting in her head? Someone who only did as her husband did? Someone who obviously knows something was bad but stopped once he died because she was too scared to do anything about it!” She shook her clenched fists in front of his face. “I will still be that monster that brought you into a house of pain! I have left enough both physical and mental damage to beat you for the rest of your life! It will never stop.” Soft sobs came out of her mouth as she fell into his arms. “I can’t Salem. I’m sorry but I can’t.”

He stood there and stared at her blankly, no words able to form in his mouth as she leaned against him and wet his jacket with her frustrated tears. She gripped onto his shirt, crinkling it with no care at all, and sobbed harder. It was all too much. Her life had become a mess and she wished she could take it all back to before she even met him. In the first couple of months everything seemed fine. He was a nice guy, helped her with her homework, took her out on dates, treated her with the utmost respect-until she found out what set him off. During finals week her senior year of highschool she skipped out on a date with him so she could study and things didn’t go over well. But he apologized and even helped her study after the beating. She thought after that things would be fine but they just got worst and she couldn’t get out of the spiral and the next thing she knew she had a kid, and then another and another and her heart, although roughened up on her child when she was told to be, was still soft for her husband.

Some nights she wished that she didn’t lose her magic on such a petty thing. Stealing baby food. That’s what she had lost her magic for. “For using it to do wrong.” is what the judge said. She could show them wrong, such as killing an abusive husband who is turning the woman he “loved” into an abusive mother. Now that would be considered a more worthy excuse to lose magic over. Not for stealing baby food.

But the past is in the past and she couldn’t do anything about it now. Her one wish came true, although it still hurt her. For some god knows what reason her heart still ached for Lucas to be there, that he didn’t die. But he did, and she felt a little bit better. Not by enough to cause her any relief of his death, but just a bit.

“Salem! Can you come help me with something!” Hazel lifted her head up and let go of Salem’s shirt.

“Go, your sister is calling you.” She wiped her eyes off, raising her surprisingly imperfect eyebrows and lowering her non lipsticked mouth as she did so and sniffled a bit.

Salem ran a hand over her knotted hair and patted her freckled shoulder before leaving the kitchen and leaving her alone to clean herself up. Putting her hands on her hips she looked around the kitchen and slowly pulled off her hoodie and threw it at the kitchen window, listening to the metal clank against the glass and then flop against the ground. She turned and went back to the stove to finish up dinner and called everyone in when it was finished. Everyone gloomily shuffled into the kitchen and after they all had grabbed their food, Hazel walked out and went into her room without even eating anything.

The second she got into her room and closed her door she ripped off her sweatpants and threw them onto the bed. She tore open her closet and pulled everything out that was her husband’s and threw them onto the bed. She spotted an empty cardboard box in the back and pulled it out and walked over to her bedside table and grabbed a sharpie then walked back over to the box and wrote out “CLOTHES” and then started stuffing all of his clothes in the box. Running her fingers through her hair she shoved the box to the side and exited her room to go back to the kitchen before stopping in the hallway and looking over at the tv. Salem had left the news station on and a woman in her mid-thirties sat in front of the desk and looked down at her papers, reading off the news in a hidden sad tone.

“Three teens today were shot and killed in a robbery at the local gas station by the high school. These teens ar-” Hazel shook her head and walked into the kitchen.

“Salem, when everyone finishes I need you to drive yourself and your siblings to grandma’s house.” Hazel stood in the door and ran her fingers through her hair. “Please.”

He looked up from his plate and stared at her wide-eyed. “Why?”

“I don’t need to give you a reason why, I just need you to drive everyone to grandmas house. No arguing just please do it.”

“I wasn’t planning on arguing I just want to know why to make sure that you-” Salem went to go stand up.

“Salem! Please just do what I asked you to!” He sat back down in his seat quickly and nodded. “Thank you. Kids when you finish eating I want you to go pack for a week alright?”

“A week?!” Victoria stood up and looked at her mother like she had three heads. “What the hell mom did you even discuss this with grandma yet?”

“That is no concern of yours and yes. A week. I need to figure what the hell I’m going to do with myself right now and I need alone time to figure that out.”

“And so you’re getting rid of us for a week? How much alone time do you f*****g need?”

“Victoria you watch your language. I don’t know how much I need and I figured a week was long enough. Stop arguing and finish eating so you can pack. This is not up for discussion.” Victoria let out a frustrated sigh and grabbed her plate and walked out of the kitchen.

“Mommy…”

“What?” Hazel folded her arms and looked at Max.

“What happened to your pants?” Hazel looked down and noticed that she was, indeed, pantsless.

“They are in my bedroom, now don’t forget what I asked and make sure you say goodbye to me before you leave.”

She quickly slipped out of the kitchen and back into her room, passing Victoria in the living room who was standing in front of the tv smiling as the news about the three teens. It gave her an unsettling feeling and she cleared her throat, causing Victoria to drop her smile and turn towards her mom. “Don’t forget to say goodbye when you leave.” Hazel turned her head and walked back to her room before Victoria could say anything and shut her door quietly.

A few hours had passed since the kids had left and Hazel still had not moved out of her bed. All motivation to do anything had left her and she just curled up on her king sized bed, under the mocha colored comforter, and watched bones while enjoying a whole tub of chocolate ice cream to herself. Hazel looked over at her phone and read the time, 10:48, and decided that she was going to do what she had planned whether she wanted to or not. She sat up and put the lid on her tub and walked into the kitchen. She had placed a pair of her own pajama pants on to replace her husband's sweats and changed into a dark blue long sleeve shirt, a color her late husband despised. The lights had all been left on and the tv now played an old episode of Big Bang as she walked past it and into the kitchen. After putting the ice cream away she walked over to the window and grabbed the hoodie and walked back out into the living room and turned the tv off.

Feeling a bit more motivated now that she was up and out of her bed she wandered into all of the kids bedrooms and grabbed any cardboard box she could find and brought them into her room. She went out to the kitchen again and walked over to the garage door and opened it, immediately being hit in the face with bitter air. She placed her bare feet against the cold concrete and walked over to their stack of boxes they had from previous moves. She took them all back inside and into her room and placed them next to the others. Looking around her room she picked anything that was Lucas’ and put it in the correct box. By the time she had finished putting everything, not just from her bedroom but the rest of the house as well, away she took all the boxes into the garage for later.  She stepped back into the warmth of her home and smiled as she let out a strong breath. Looking around, not much had changed but she felt as if everything was more open with all of his stuff gone. She walked back into her room and opened the door to her bathroom and turned the light on. She disrobed and turned on the shower and stepped back in to let the warm water wash away her feelings and create a cleaner her.

A few days had passed and all the feeling of confidence she had gained suddenly drained from her and all she could think about was Lucas. She had laid in her bed all day and cried about him. About how much she missed him and how desperately she wished that she was with him. She couldn’t think about anything except for her frustration over her wanting to be with him. How badly did she want to be with him? Where did this even come from? She thought she had gotten rid of any form of love of him when she sold all of his s**t on ebay and to neighbors, even going as far as to just give it away to get it out of her life. How willing is she to see him? She looked over at her dresser full of pantyhose. No. She couldn’t. That’s the coward's way out. But yet….it was just so enticing.

Hazel got out of her bed and walked over to her dresser. She slowly opened it up, tears starting to pour out of her eyes as she pulled them all out and tied them together tightly. She stood up on her bed and tied it around her fan and tugged on it hardly, tears still pouring out of her eyes. Deciding that it was sturdy enough, Hazel gulped and wrapped them around her neck, subconsciously making sure it was tight enough and then stood up straight. She closed her eyes and wiped her tears away before opening them up and looked back down at the ground. This isn’t how she wanted to go out. How could she even think that this way was okay. What about her kids. Oh dear god what about her kids. What would happen if they found her hanging off of her fan in her bedroom. That would scar them for sure. No mom or dad. Witnessing their mother’s death in front of their very eyes. How cruel of her to even consider it. Hazel fumbled around with the tights, having a hard time undoing the knot she had made and all the sudden felt her feet slip out from under her and then it was suddenly hard the breath and everything became black.