Was I Dreaming?

Written for the "Beauty in the Darkness" contest

 

the howling winds subsided when

I came to the old wooden bridge

that crossed over a stream

deep within the white forest

 

I was a reporter

for a tabloid newspaper

and this was

my first assignment

to write a story

about the haunted bridge

a mystical tale

about two lovers

 

slowly I walked

over wet leaves

telling myself

this was only fiction

there are no such things

as witches or vampires nor succubus’s

they are only

eerie tails

told to children

in order to get them

to listen

 

still my knees

wobbled a little

as I got closer

to the stream

I grabbed

the rail tightly

as I took

my first step

onto the bridge

 

the night became darker

as the grey clouds

covered the moon

blocking its light

from my eye sight

 

I gulped in fear

from the creepy feelings

that appeared

as goose bumps

on my skin

 

I walked to the

middle of the bridge

and peered over the side

watching the stream

it was then

I had strongest feeling

that I was

being watched by someone

 

I saw this figure

a face

a reflection in water

her long hair

flowed over the

ripples of the stream

 

I quickly turned thinking

it was only my imagination

but I was surprised to see

the temptress vixen lady

 

it was Seri

the lady the bridge

was named for

I covered my chest

with my hands

as I walked back

into the rail

 

my heart pounded

screaming at me to run

but I felt

enchanted by her beauty

and my feet

didn’t move

 

I tried to yell

as loud as I could

but all I heard

was her laughter instead

she drew close to me

with her warm smile

her long hair

and milky skin

soft hands

that touched my face

bewitching me

with her kiss

 

I saw the rapture

of her death

as my eyes starred

into hers

I felt the coldness

of her love

as she whispered

her tragic love story

to me that night

under the stars

on the bridge

where they both

took their lives

 

when I blinked slowly

opening my eyes again

she had vanished

leaving me

only with the

red lip print

of her kiss

upon my lips

 

 

 

Author's Note

My first try at this type of poetry...

Reviews

[Legion]

An excellent try. Left me mortified and entranced at the same time. Two things to correct though. Put a space between "witches" and "or". Also, you might think about changing the first "her" in those last four lines to "the". It will flow better. You use "her" twice in one sentence and it throws it off a bit. Other than those two points, this was well crafted and a great read. Kudos.

Oh, no witches, vampires or succubus huh? What about flying pigs? Don't tell me you never seen one of those either. :)

[PoetryXpressions]

Wow, for a first try you sure had my eyes clued to every word wondering how it would all end. Fantastic imagery.... felt I was living it, breathing it, feeling it...SUPERB JOB!! Thanks for sharing.

[closed account]

I really loved this, you did a fantastic job on the imagery and the story! very dark yet alluring!! great work.
:-)

[Vatsayayana]

Oh my!
You've given me goosebumps. It was the very end where the gentleman comes to and there's naught left of his spectral visit but the stain of red across his lips. The stain of her kiss. ~shudders~

Your descriptions are perfect. I've read a few of the other works for this contest and I must say, you let the reader paint the images as they will. I feel like you've left the story open so that I can walk in your shoes and feel what you feel. My knees wobbling as I cross the bridge. A perfect way to get your reader immersed in your tale.

I even couldn't help myself at the end, I just had to bring my fingertips up to my lips to see if there would be a scarlet imprint.

Very well written hon!
Brava!

[emz]

It gave me goosebumps... a lovely enchanting story... i almost wanted to cry.. well done.

[allowed2b_sub]

very nice, i can't wait for the second.

james

[whispersoftly]

ooooooo a scarey ghost story.....

Your first attempt? Pretty darn amazing ;-)

[Pinky]

Its a great job!!!!

[Sarah]

This is very pretty and full of rich, beautiful description. The setting of this poem is magical and pulls you in from the start. Great job. =)

[Andy Hackett]

I like how you try to use an unconventional form for the poem, although sometimes it seemed like you chose the form simply so it would look nice.

I liked the imagery, you set the scene of that night on the bridge well.

However, some of the descriptions were a bit drab, and it lacks a nice turn of phrase. A lot of ordinary non-descriptive words are used, and at times it's very boring.