How Jack and I fell out

written for So Many Lemons contest

 

 

 

 

I woke early that morning

instantly my head

began to spin

and my

stomach spoke saying

I had too much

to drink the night before

 

"Slowly I rise... inch by inch"

I tell myself

As I

reach out for walls

a chair, anything

to keep my balance

as I stumble

towards the bathroom

to find some aspirin

 

I begin to look

in the mirror

at the

new wrinkles

across my forehead

my blood shot eyes

that are still

glazed over

thick hair

that is way past

the five o’clock

shadow syndrome

 

I realized

this isn’t my apartment

I start pounding my head

trying to remember

not only what happened

but, how I got here

and whose place

is this anyway?

 

Damn Jack Daniels!

 

I think to myself

when I smelled

breakfast cooking

from down the hall

I poke my head

out the bedroom door

and my heart sinks

when I smell burnt toast

eggs and bacon

 

God please don’t tell me

I came home with a man

I couldn’t imagine

a beautiful woman

burning breakfast!

 

with a deep sigh

I swallow

two aspirin with no water

Straiten up

my back and begin

the long walk

stumbling down the hall

still trying

to clear my mind

 

I prepare myself

for the shock of my life

swearing to God

I would never drink again

If the person I see

is a woman

anything else

and all bets are off..

Amen!

 

slowly I turned the corner

Inching my face against the wall

My left eye is the first to see

Blurry visions of two, maybe three people

All with curves, curvy enough

To allow me to breathe again

 

I pat myself on the back

Thinking, yeah boy you scored twins!

By then both eyes focused

and I saw

Only one woman

 

I sighed

but still gave

thanks to God

 

She looked up

from the table

with this smile telling me

that what ever happened

at least

one of us remembered

 

I grinned and took my seat

with the runny eggs,

undercooked bacon

and burnt toast

 

“Coffee?”

 

Yes I managed

to speak like the cave man

I had become

from this pounding headache

not sure if she

ever replied but

no coffee ever arrived

 

finally I asked

the important questions

 

Who are you?

What did we do?

and how did I get here?

 

I shot all three

out at once

never considered

her feelings

 

after her explanation

of how we got here

and what we did

I still didn’t remember

who she was

until she stood up

and cleared the table

 

I watched her

walking to the sink

I smiled as her

rear twitched

from side to side

and that’s when

it hit me

 

she was the new temp

at my job

and we met

during the office party

while performing a skit

that I had seen

on Monty Python’s Flying Circus

 

Her and I played

the pantomime horse

she was the head

and I was the tale

Bent over behind her

running across stage

all the time

my eyes were glued

to her a*s

 

I couldn’t help

but to laugh

because obviously

I had a great time

but I couldn’t remember

any of the good parts

 

It’s all Jacks fault!

 

on that Hot summer morning

me and Jack Danaiels

fell out

and

I have never

said one word

to him again

Author's Note

In this contest we had to use or more of the following words "Pantomime Horse, Burnt Toast, Summer, Dynomite Fishing, or David Hassolhof" It was actually alot fun and a true challenge to find the inspiration to write something with one or more of these words.

Reviews

[[untitled]]

this is very nicely done - i smiled all the way through - jack daniels just happens to be nemeses - i enjoyed every word - wonderful

[closed account]

I really like this, sooo different from what I have been reading. Usualy I am reading what happend before this poem,, lol, I could see it as if i was in the corner watching (with my hand over my mouth laughing) lol, sorry I had to be a brat...

[Tai Chi Italy]

lol less than you deserve!lol springs to mind here Flow! just testing....great read, it flowed as well as your patter does, the anticipation and humour of the piece keeps the reader glued. Well done for sacking Jack too....smiling at your afinity with women's arses! I see where the interest comes from now....Yes I do have the best arse in the Westcountry. Modest, but honest Tai

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Spectacular poem... I think it speaks for itself of what alcohol can do to you, even if you don't get in trouble not remember ing what you did or said is never a good thing... I know some places I have woken up and not recalling what I said except some people never spoke to me again... thats why only beer now and in moderation... Great work.

[Alexzan Marie]

Quite amusing =)

It made me smile more than once

I am going to add it to my library, in case I need to smile again sometime.

Thank you
haha

[Eat Life]

I have now only read two works of yours, and I am totally smitten. I am such a fan of your work. I loved this just as I did the other. I love the title of this and I truly love the way you write.

[Charisma Moonfairy]

Nice, I like this one a lot

[Destiny]

Nice. I like the humor here. It's very smooth and an extremely enjoyable read. Thanx for writing.
♥Destiny♥

[Shadow]

I would certainly imagine so it seemed like a difficult thing to do,I like the verses here the fear that comes over the narrator when he smelled the toast and the realization of his mistake of drinking too much very nicely done