Smile

“A smile can be a powerful mask, concealing a depth of pain and heartache beneath its surface. It's often easier to smile than to explain the complex emotions we feel inside.” Unknown

She cried,

Not that she didn’t want to.

She just didn’t cry often.

The tears seemed foreign to her.

She bottled things up.

Held them tight to her chest,

Made sure no one knew her.

No one knew her.

She had too many masks.

She didn’t know herself some days.

Too many masks and no real her.

Friends,

Crushes,

They always hurt in the end.

At, least, in her world they did.

Could never say it.

Her feelings,

The ones deep down.

So far down you had to dive for them.

So complicated.

She was complicated that it hurt.

So complicated that she gave up.

Staying quiet seemed safe.

But staying quiet meant that she was alone.

Alone.

She hated being alone.

No,

Wait.

She didn’t mind being alone.

She just was always alone, even when surrounded by people.

Everyone wanted a friend that would always be happy and say what they needed to hear.

She learned that the hard way.

Eight years,

Stuck,

Being someone everyone wanted.

Being the person she wasn’t.

She couldn’t go back to that.

She couldn’t trust.

She couldn’t breathe.

So she bottled things up.

She rarely cried.

She supported the few people she had.

She did her best.

Only…

Sometimes,

Her best wasn’t enough.

Sometimes the world needed more from her.

How was she supposed to give more?

She was battered

And bruised

And broken.

She could barely smile some days.

Smile.

If people saw her smile they thought she was okay.

But what is okay?

Is it thriving?

Surviving?

Getting up in the morning?

So she smiled.

If she didn’t they would ask.

But when they asked it made it harder.

She wanted to open up,

But she was messy.

So messy no one would know what to do.

So when she cried,

She was alone.

In her room,

Headphones on.

Sobs quiet.

Tears wiped away.

Then she would emerge and smile.

That’s all they needed anyway.

A smile.

What a deceiving thing.