This Feeling

Not writing to any song this time, just thinking on paper

There’s this feeling, a feeling that I’ve felt a lot. I get this feeling when I’m sad. When I’m sad and there’s sad music. A peaceful sad though, the sad that you need to feel to be happy. While I’m sad I remember something or listen to something and I get this feeling. Melancholy and Joy at the same time. Like that scene in Inside Out when Riley’s sad and happy. Only it’s more than that. All my life I’ve had this feeling that I’m destined to be alone or die early. It’s always scared me because despite being an introvert I can’t stand to be away from the people that I love. So some days when I feel that feeling I enjoy it and smile at the memories while other days I despise it because I don’t want to be alone. This feeling reminds me that I’ve always felt that I was watching this life from the outside. How out of place I’ve felt since I have no care for gossip of fashion. Instead I imagine myself in this fantasy world where I never die no matter what happens and everyone cares about me. In the end it doesn’t matter much. Whether I live my life fully or live it alone I have no regrets. This world is beautiful and I will never willingly leave.