Cloudy, Cloudy Day

every once in a while
the sky above the plains
got crowded

I'd lie on the land
that was unfortunate enough
to have never kissed
a raindrop

I'd lie amidst
failed produce
and broken expectations

but the
traffic of clouds above me
would make me forget
empathy

I'd point
at my favourite cloud
hoping that
no one was looking

not because it was embarrassing
but because I wanted to keep
all beautiful things
to myself

and it was in that moment
that I'd realise

even the clouds take shape,
when will my life?

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is turn-my-head-around writing! I was reading along, feeling stunned at how fresh you say each thing & how each analogy sparks a ton of ideas in my mind about what it could mean & how it relates to life. My mind was having a tug-of-war with my eyes, which wanted to read on, but my mind wanted to stop & ponder. There are huge universal implications to what you're saying here. This could symbolize looking up to God. It could be about feeling as tho we're on "the outside" looking in at everyone else's success or abundance of clouds or thirst-quenching rain. This is an example of how you express the most ordinary idea in the most extraordinary way: "land unfortunate enough to have never kissed a raindrop" -- that is the crux of what poetry is about & to top it off, it SOUNDS so delicious, definitely lyrical poetry, as well as wise in depth & meaning! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Zoya]

Wow Margie, amazing analogies! Thank you so much for your ever so kind words. Always appreciated :) *hugs back*

[Relic]

Those last lines really hit hard. Comparing your life to nature is a way of knowing seasons change. Waiting for the most favorable one is sometimes the hardest part. But knowing underneath is like knowing there is hope.

Well done, Zoya.

[emipoemi]

You really have an ethereal way of moving your words to weave mysticism. This has its charms of brilliance and strokes of genius.....and I'm in utter awe! You're not afraid to delve into the hard questions and leave the word thinking and considering the aspects for themselves. My only qualm, if I may be so bold, is the last line. The idea of it does fit, but the way the poem ends on it feels off as it appears to come out of nowhere. Because the emotional tension by the end is on the ability of "the clouds tak[ing] shape" but the musicality, at least from my perspective, didn't end on "shape", it needed a bit more, and it feels like the image and metaphor could be extended a bit more to link the clouds taking shape to the banger of "when would my life" - you know what I mean? The way you were flowing the whole poem, and suddenly having this odd break (on a comma, no less) just feels off. I can see why you might do something like that, but I'm not sure if it helps the integrity of the poem itself after having read all that juicy beauty. Let me know if you need a little more explanation, it just seems like you should find a way to connect those last two lines, whether directly or by extending the metaphor, and rewriting the last line accordingly. But overall, uf! Well done! Soooo good!

[Gaurav]

I wanted to keep
all beautiful things
to myself'

this is my favorite line because this beautiful jealousy seems very nature to human beings. Overall, Its a nice read. Keep it up

[Ana B.]

Very insightful words, life takes shape as soon as we give it shape I suppose....Love the reference to the clouds. Lovely write :)

[Onlyme]

Beautifully vivid piece of writing. That captivated my imagination on reading and could picture it in my minds eye. Enjoyed reading it a whole lot.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Wow such an imaginative poem, I love writing with clouds for muse so I enjoyed this fabulous super poem on dry Earth below traffic of clouds. Kudos.


plz pleez do read and comment my newest poem too. I like to know poets thoughts.

[Ted Kniffen]

Kinda reminds me of drought conditions when the land has not felt rain so long it turns to a dust bowl while clouds fly along overhead and men try to make it rain by seeding the clouds ... usually to no avail.
Difficult to keep all things beautiful to yourself, but worth a try.
Thank goodness you were unable to keep this poem to yourself or we'd not have the opportunity to tell you how brilliant it is.

A good write Zoya

[Zoya]

Wonderfully sweet words, Ted! Im so happy you liked it. Thank you :)

[Davidgeo]

That second stanza is a really excellent way of describing a desert.

I think you should omit the very last line of this though. It narrows the focus of this poem's message.

[Zoya]

I appreciate your insights Dave. Thank you so much! :)

[Davidgeo]

It was very much my pleasure.

[Coyote Poetry]

I believe if we seek the right things. Life falls into place.
"even the clouds take shape,
when will my life?"
I do believe we decide our life and thank you Zoya for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Zoya]

I agree, Coyote. Thank you so much for your kind words :))

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[Wild Rose]

Land that never kissed a raindrop - also - the filed crops

I fully expected you to have selected a cloud and wished it to rain on you and your land

NO
The cloud had form > a fleeting changing form they have

Soon - I expect - your life will blossom out and take form

[Zoya]

Thank you so much for your words here! Truly appreciated :)