Midnights

As I lay under
the starlit sky,
tangled in a pair of arms
that had started holding me too tight,
I couldn't help but wonder
how disproportionate
midnights are

I thought about how
they're either too close to the day
and far away from the night
or how they're too close to the night
and far away from the day

but he never cared enough to know

he'd point
to the same old stars
that looked like
the faint headlights
of an approaching train
he'd tell me
how close they were
to the sun, the moon,
to us

always near but never nearer

he'd tell me
how their movement
determined ours
and he'd tell me
how all of this, somehow,
defined us

but trust me

in that moment
I knew exactly what defined us

the number of midnights we give
to the wrong people

Reviews

[Mk.t.g]

"I thought about how
they're either too close to the day
and far away from the night
or how they're too close to the night
and far away from the day"
I must say, these lines hit me hard. This poem has such a good selection of words, presenting a perfect image for the reader. Thanks for sharing!
Mk.t.g

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Ooh I just re read this still loving it stay safe 😷👌

[Zoya]

Haha aww Julie this is too sweet,
It means a lot :)

[Ted Kniffen]

Zoya, if you're just learning, you'll be dangerous when you're done. This is a brilliant example of a love gone bad. One looks at the relationship one way...the other has a more pragmatic view and in the end understands time spent on lost causes.

Good write Zoya.

[Zoya]

Ted, that is such a sweet thing to say. I truly appreciate it. Thank you so much :)

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

How I love the last line so true giving our time our midnights to the wrong people
Love your style beautiful

[Zoya]

I'm so so glad you do, Julie. Thank you very much :)

[emipoemi]

If I may be blunt with you, something is off about this one. You still have your charm, your magic, that ending is brilliant, and you have some moments throughout that worked, but I'm not so sure. I wanna say it's the lead-up to such an ending, but it could also most probably be the passive way it was being told. Only at the end did it sound active, and though I could see you were trying to create an effect with your passive flow, I don't think it worked. But maybe that's just me. But those last five lines are fantastic. That's for sure.

[Zoya]

Thank you for your honest review, emi. Always appreciated :))

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.

[wordman]

sometimes it`s a journey but we learn

[Zoya]

We always learn :)
Thanks for the read!

[wordman]

you`re welcome

[barleygirl]

Maybe I said this on another one of your poems, but as soon as I finished this, I immediately checked your profile box & saw that you're "seventeen & learning" . . . once again, bowled over by this & falling on the floor becuz this is so intelligent, as well as being creative. Your metaphor is multi-layered & complex, yet easy to follow . . . "holding too tight" . . . "he never cared enuf" . . . "approaching train" . . . "all his cerebral BS defined us" (paraphrasing now) . . . and we can't forget the line "how disproportionate midnights are" (brilliant & unforgettable idea!) and this is backed up with the next verse, which hammers a home run in illuminating your vision of how this goes. Usually a writer has strong ideas OR strong writing mechanics, but you have both, my dear, & you can really take this places! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Zoya]

Thank you so much, Margie!! You are so very kind with your words. It means a lot, it really does :)