The Bathtub

last night
it wasn't just water
I bathed in

it was a pond
full of mistakes I made
and regretted fiercely
but at the end of day
was grateful for

it was a river
full of thoughts
stifled with oh so difficulty
at some point in life or another
that had started taking
fearful shapes

it was an ocean
full of memories
some from the time
when my heart used to be whole
and some after the time
the x-ray failed to detect
the hole in my heart
(but I knew I had one)

the waves collided
against each other

there was a storm
brewing up

and that was
the ninety-ninth time
I drowned in
my bathtub

Author's Note

Just a lil something.

Reviews

[chrysantheranium]

I absolutely adore this. Sometimes we have a lot of thoughts and feelings jumbled up in our minds, and the best way to turn them into poetry or art is to go somewhere quiet and soothing - such as a bath or shower - and just let the thoughts flow through like water! Wonderful work, and I'm glad that you're grateful for how far you've come, for no matter how rough it was, you were tougher and fought through it. That's something to be proud of! Keep writing, Zoya. :)

[Zoya]

Yes, I am definitely proud of myself! Thankful for the review, really appreciate it :)

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Loving the metaphors here very cleverly written
Love this a lot

[Zoya]

Julie, I'm so glad. Thank youuuu! :)

[barleygirl]

You are killing me! You are adorable, as far as putting out such a huge excellent collection of poetry that goes in all kinds of fun & meaningful directions! The way your mind works is truly a marvel & it's amazing how you can convey the whimsical way you see the world, in your poetry. This poem is incredibly meaningful but it's pretending to be a sarcastic romp thru bath time. This is the kind of juxtaposition between meaning & mood that can make writing really memorable. You are crazy good at this! And so modest, too (I still groan every time I see your profile: "seventeen and learning")!!! Fondly, Margie

[Zoya]

Can't get enough of your words, Margie! I'm so happy you liked it. Thank you :D

[Ted Kniffen]

Sixteen you say? Well I can hardly wait to read your poems in another year or two, because this one shows a sophistication of thought and emotion that goes above and beyond your years.
There are a couple of issues to look at...but they were addressed by emipoemi.

All in all, a good write.
Keep at it...there is talent there.

[Zoya]

Thank you so much, Ted. Really happy you liked it! :)

[Richard simpson]

This is deep and very sensual and complex. I love the poetic sensation in the vibrant imagery; it's a colorful and deep work of art in the form of literary excellence. It is more than just a poem about a bathtub it's the colorful, excelling vocabulary and images you paint in the mind that converts us into the flushing world of what it feels like to be in the tub and the emotional ode to the cleansing of the body. Great and excellent.

[Zoya]

Thank you so much for such a detailed review! Means much :))

[Rome]

oh my goodness absolutely brilliant i am so in awe of the way you can express this exact feeling/experience i could never put words to! amazing work

[Zoya]

I'm so glad you think so! Thank you very much :))

[rowan.taylorrr]

this piece is so heart wrenching ! i couldn’t stop reading like i want more. this piece is extremely brilliant, good job!!

[Zoya]

Thank you so much for your kind comment, really appreciate it :))

[emipoemi]

..................WC absolutely NEEDS to add emojis on here for I - AM - IN - FREAKING -AWE!!!!! I loved how it escalated from bathtub to ocean, then came back down for the crashing climax. Where's the wide-eyed speechless emoji when you need it!!? This is freaking brilliant! I think this is your best, Zoya, this is your bar. This is the poem you now have to strive as a poet to top - it's amazing!!

Your only technical errors are such: "oh so difficulty" is grammatically incorrect (and also, "oh so" is so amateur and overused in poetry and it can be easily bypassed, and at your level right now, it would be a good idea to avoid using it....unless you're going to make fun of it by making it the base of the poem - there's a challenge for you). Observe: "stifled with so much difficulty" or you could even find a good and powerful-sounding adjective to replace the "so much", but that's your choice. To be honest, the "oh so" in a way works in this case, but you'll need the "much" in there to make it grammatically correct (what I'm debating though is whether the musicality would carry over well with that). Secondly, better to say: "though I knew I had one" rather than "but" (smoother and it paints a better picture about where you're coming from).

Those are my only critiques. This is divine in every other respect, and I applaud you for it. Well freaking done!

[Zoya]

Wowow thank you!! And now I need those emojis, too, haha! Truly appreciate it :)

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.

[HadesRising]

Very deep and clever, I like you're style. Well Done.

[Zoya]

Thank you. I appreciate that :)

[apennylate]

Haha... Ninety nine rubber duckies in a row.... You knock one down.... Ninety eight times I'v drowned in my bathtub... OH NO...!
Somehow the end brought a measure of comedic relief from the fierceness of the river of thought we are taking in... From X-rays to switch-endings... The waves certainly collided within me as I delved into this one...

[Zoya]

Ahaha what a load of gibberish XD
But of course, it's you! Welcome backk. Glad you enjoyed this, thank you! :)

[apennylate]

I am somewhat of a gibberish master, mam. Np, lol

[BlackPrince]

I like the way the bathtub is a motif for much deeper elements of life.
The imagery is vivid and arresting.

Well done

[Zoya]

I'm glad you liked it, thank you :)