Regret

The damage was done. Regret spread across his face and tears trickled down his eyes. His hand, clenching the gun, trembled like a freshly caught fry when exposed to the unpleasant mixture of dry air and scorching heat of the sun above water. Red splotches sat triumphantly on his clothes. A cool breeze swept past his face, failing miserably to placate the situation even slightly. He knew he hadn’t been thinking straight. But it was over now. If regret and repentance could fix things up, more hearts would’ve been won than battles in the past. It’s over, it’s over... The nine-year-old sighed, his hopes completely crushed. I’ll never play paintball again.

Reviews

[Nisha M.]

Aw this is a sad one. I loved the way you describe the details. Have to say, my favourite line is "If regret and repentance could fix things up, more hearts would’ve been won than battles in the past." Personally, to me, this was an example of how regret could come about and I loved the way you portrayed it by using an example of a 9-year-old who regrets playing paintball. Good job! - Nisha.

[Zoya]

I am really glad you liked it, Nisha. Thank you very much for your time and review! :)

[Riya patel]

Thank God it was just a paintball ..
Beautifully written.... Using the example of a 9 year old was great..

[Zoya]

Thank you.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank goodness it was paintball. I felt a huge sense of relief when I got to your last lines. I know gun control is a very controversial subject in the USA, but I'm glad we don't have to worry about that so much in the UK. That's not to say we are exempt, there are some very nasty knife murders involving teenagers in London at the moment, which appear to be generated as a result of drugs. It all needs to be dealt with and fast in my opinion. I enjoyed your short story Zoe.

All good wishes

Chris

[Zoya]

Right. They need to dealt with as early as possible.
I'm glad you enjoyed this piece, Christine! Thank you :)

[.]

The best outcome one could hope for. For next time the bullets could well be real.

A fine example of flash fiction with a strong dose of realism throughout and a killer ending twist. Well Done.

[Zoya]

Thank you very much for your kind words, Doodley! Appreciated as ever :)
Hope you have been doing well.

[Pragati Chaudhary]

I like the way you had depicted this Nine-year-old boy's story
and how he repented for playing Paintball again...........

Nice touche'

[Zoya]

Im glad you liked it. Thank you much, Pragati!

[Wild Rose]

Following recent news of another shooting in USA; my first thoughts were that you were writing about that
Please with your finish > the nine year old playing pain ball

[Zoya]

Ah, yes, one could well say that after reading the first bit. All that has happened is just too horrific. I wonder why the government takes no proper action.
Glad you found the ending pleasing. Thanks for your time!

[Wild Rose]

Zoe indeed it is a puzzle to people here in UK

It goes back to the days of the "Wild West" and cowboys
People were allowed to carry firearms for protection
The young people (your age) are seeing the loss of life and beginning to say that things must change

[AllauraRose]

This ended totally differently than I thought it would. I thought he was gonna kill himself, but it turns out to just be about a game. I like the twist, and you definitely portrayed the feeling of regret very well. Great job!

[Zoya]

Thank you, Allaura! Means much :)

[Kasey M.C.]

Lol, 😂😂👌👍 Well written, but it was over paintball!!! 👏👏👏👏

[Zoya]

Thank you, Kasey! Your review is appreciated :)

[Kasey M.C.]

You're welcome!