Of Shrubs And Bugs

In the middle of a vast green field,
Amidst a thicket of wild shrubs,
Grew a lone, frightened rose,
Somewhere hidden from all the bugs.

It withstood Nature's obstacles,
From the scorch to many a thunder,
Emerging as an epitome of beauty,
Oh, it was the eighth wonder!

The once uninhabited land,
Soon was visited by insects untold,
Who came by following a fragrance,
Which they could not unfold.

The butterflies wandered aimlessly,
The bees just buzzed around,
The shrubs were left in an enigma,
Nonetheless, they enjoyed their sound!

Slowly, slowly as time went by,
The rose started withering away,
It gave in to the numerous forces,
Losing its scent day after day.

Anon the Beauty met its fate,
But alas, none shed a tear,
It lay lifeless, motionless,
Somewhere hidden, oh I fear.

And right from that day forth,
Never ever a bug fluttered by,
It all went back to the way it was,
The shrubs were left to wonder why...

Author's Note

Well....beauty lies within :)

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

A lovely tale of Nature. I like the use of older words...amidst...alas...anon. They give this the sense of a poem that could have been written by one of the Romantics.

About the only thing I would consider changing would be the use of two 'the's' in the second verse.
'It withstood the nature's obstacles,
From the scorch to the various thunders,'
to
It withstood Nature's obstacles,
From the scorch to various thunders,

Only for the flow.

All in all, a good write.

[Zoya]

Thank you so very much, Ted! I'll make the change right away :)

[Najam Us Saher]

Till there is beauty people care in today's mean world. That fact has been wonderfully expressed in this narrative tale. I enjoyed the rhyme and the message. Well done.

[Zoya]

Thank you very much, Najam. Appreciated as ever :)

[Najam Us Saher]

You're always welcome :)

[wordman]

the death of a rose and all the effects it brought with it,kinda like life i guess or a lost love

[Zoya]

Like life indeed. Thank you for your visit, wordman!

[wordman]

my pleasure zoe

[DoormanDan]

Interesting, to say the least. I enjoyed reading this. The narrative style is pleasant, and I enjoyed both the story and the symbolism I gathered from it overall. I felt like the first three quatrains were stronger than the next three quatrains (not saying the last four are bad) in terms of flow and "flavor" (for a lack of better word), and then the ending quatrain brought it back. I would just suggest revising this a few more times, choose a set syllable structure for the piece (I always count the syllables in each line I write, in order to make sure they match the flow I want), and then you'll have yourself a truly solid piece of writing. I hope this review is helpful. Keep up the great work! :)

[Zoya]

Thanks much for your time and review! I appreciate it!

[emipoemi]

This is one of your more profound poems, Zoe! Very intriguing. I must say, though, it's a bit hard to figure out why the rose withered, when nothing ever acted on it, or rather there was no clear hint (mark hint.... I'm not insinuating you outright tell the reader) as to what made it stand and "withstand Nature's obstacles" and what exactly made it wither. What's your message/metaphor?

Three little things to help the flow and form:

-"many a thunder" instead of "various thunders" (that way the full rhyme can happen with thunder and wonder)
-"losing its scent day after day" (better musicality)
-"The shrubs were left to wonder why" (better flow and better kick...a poet should always find a way to end on a good kick).

Other than that, this is well constructed. Very well done!

[Zoya]

We have a lot of roses in our little garden. The ones that were blooming a month ago are all dried up now. Just the change of the seasons :)
Thanks very much for pointing that out, I'll make those corrections. Your reviews are really appreciated!

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.

[Wyrn Tiger]

Too true, is the beauty on the outside, thanks for the happy ride

[Zoya]

Thanks for reading! Appreciated :)