A Beautiful Revenge

A widow full of vanity,
Was the identity of Mrs.Cole.
Who from her late husband,
Inherited his fortune whole.

Living in a huge bungalow,
With servants at her feet.
Oh what a narcissist she was,
A total beauty freak!

And once it so happened,
Her make-up-kit vanished.
Accused a servant of the crime,
Whom she straightaway banished.

Years passed the same way,
She didn't change a bit.
While the dismissed attendant,
Plans of revenge he knit.

Ready to take some action,
To his family he bid goodbye.
Set for the widow's house,
An eye for an eye.

He stood outside the bungalow,
Under the moonless night.
Placed a ladder against the wall,
Fire of revenge did ignite.

Climbed up quietly and prudently,
With a knife tightly clutched.
Joy bubbled inside him,
As her room's window he touched.

On seeing her former servant,
Mrs.Cole gave a loud cry.
Then shouted in a squeaky tone,
"Oh my, oh my!"

The predator inched closer,
Flaunting the sharp knife.
"Stop!" said the widow,
The deceased Mr.Cole's wife.

"Move forward another step?"
She continued, "Don't you dare!
Kill me only when,
I'm done settling my hair."

Author's Note

Nonsense, maybe.

Reviews

[ZakLeonRamsey]

I wouldn't say it is nonsense, this is my favourite poem so far on Writerscafe.org. I haven't been on this website for long, about a week or less, but I really like this poem and I find it really catchy. I'm not a professional, I'm far from a professional, but what I can say, is that this poem is BRILLIANT. The way it rhymes makes this poem even better. It is really catchy, (for the second time, I can't help but mention).
The poem is really long, but I didn't care, I was wanting to find out what the attendant was going to do to Mrs.Cole. I'm in love with this poetry which I call a masterpiece. I think you should write more like this, I love this poetry to bits. I REALLY wanted to find out what happened to Mrs.Cole, which was the thing that made me careless about how long this poem was. I was interested since the beginning. Quite a good poem, Zoe.

[Zoya]

Thank you much for your very kind words. Really appreciate it!

[JayG]

Umm... "feet" and "freak" don't rhyme.

And: You need to look deeper into prosody. The number of feet per line is all over the place.

And remove redundancies where possible. Is there really a difference between "total beauty freak," and "beauty freak?" Between "She didn't even change a bit. " and "She didn't change a bit?" Is "Climbed up" necessary when the term climb means to go up, and the person couldn't be moving down? Redundant words, unless they're necessary for prosody slow the read and dilute impact.

[Zoya]

Thank you for the advice. I'll try to change that rhyme. I appreciate it!

[Bear]

Good rhyme scheme and wording choices and the story is entertaining in an odd kind of whimsically frightening way. I rather liked :~) Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[Zoya]

Thank you, Bear. Means a lot! :)

[Malvika]

I actually laughed at the end , it is a great poem the rhythm and rhyme is good.
Well I enjoyed it thoroughly

[Zoya]

Thank you so much, Mallishka! I appreciate it :)

[Deepak Belbase]

Wow! the story that you crafted inside this poem is amazing. your writing style is so amazing! I liked the last stanza when she beg him to kill her when she'll done with her hair. Thanks for sharing....

[Zoya]

Thank you so much for your time and review. You are appreciated! :)

[Deepak Belbase]

well pleasure is all mine, it was quite interesting.

[Prototato]

I like the idea of today’s extreme necessity of vanity and needs applied to the past. Great job!

[Zoya]

Thank you very much. I really appreciate it! :)

[Prototato]

Of course! It’s well-earned.

[.]

Excellent!

Ten verses of wonderfully original poetry! Loved the originality that shines through this piece; something that is in short supply on this forum, i am discovering.

You have done an awesome job at keeping to structure and rhyme, something that is much harder to do than many reviewers think!

As for the ending? You pulled it off marvellously. A fitting conclusion to an excellent poem. Very well done, Zoe!

[Zoya]

Such kind words. Im literally flattered. Thank you so much, Doodley. You dont know how much that means to me! :)

[.]

I never mince my words. A job very well done!

[Zoya]

I know you dont. Thank you very much! :D

[.]

Always welcome. And stop sending smog to Delhi to win the Cricket! Smh! ;)

[Zoya]

As if it manufactures at my house lol ;-p
Congratulations to you though. Aussies are in good form!

[.]

Kind of! More like average opponents!

[Zoya]

Yeah, they probably are. A bunch of controversial people.

[Sofia]

Wow! This is such an amusing and lovely poem. I could actually picture the servant coming closer with a knife.
Honestly speaking, I really loved it. It really is great and the last line added to the fun. Keep writing :)

[Zoya]

Thank you very much, Sofia! I appreciate the comment :)

[Farhan Shaikh]

Hehe, amusing..this is lovely.. thanks for sharing

[Zoya]

Thank you so much, Farhan. I truly appreciate it! :)

[Najam Us Saher]

Hahahaha. Thank you for such amusing poem. I really loved it, the dialogues, description, humour is perfectly balanced. You are very talented poet, keep writing and sharing, I really admire you.

[Zoya]

Aww, thank you, Najam! That means so much :*

[Najam Us Saher]

You're always welcome :)