I wouldn't say it is nonsense, this is my favourite poem so far on Writerscafe.org. I haven't been on this website for long, about a week or less, but I really like this poem and I find it really catchy. I'm not a professional, I'm far from a professional, but what I can say, is that this poem is BRILLIANT. The way it rhymes makes this poem even better. It is really catchy, (for the second time, I can't help but mention).
The poem is really long, but I didn't care, I was wanting to find out what the attendant was going to do to Mrs.Cole. I'm in love with this poetry which I call a masterpiece. I think you should write more like this, I love this poetry to bits. I REALLY wanted to find out what happened to Mrs.Cole, which was the thing that made me careless about how long this poem was. I was interested since the beginning. Quite a good poem, Zoe.
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Thank you much for your very kind words. Really appreciate it!
I really enjoyed this. Made me smile as i read. The character conveying is on point and the story seemed effortless. If you have a chance, check out my work, i would love to hear your thoughts.
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Glad to know you enjoyed it! Much thanks. I will soon check out your work :)
Poetic stories are always interesting. this was very well written, and i cannot wait to see what more you have in that mind of yours. at age 14, don't let the world hinder your writing; keep writing and keep improving and never be afraid to write what you want to write, need to write, and just fancy writing. :)
"A widow full of vanity,
Was the identity of Mrs.Cole.
Who from her late husband,
Inherited his fortune whole. " - I noticed that each line is a new sentence. Often times I find that it's not intentional. If not, it might serve you well to go through and make sure that there are only capitols where you intend a new sentence to be since it effects the way the piece is read and interpreted. Otherwise, I really enjoy the flow and tone thus far.
"Living in a huge bungalow,
With servants at her feet.
Oh what a narcissist she was,
A total beauty freak! " - again, you have a good rhythm going here, it's very interesting.
"Years passed the same way,
She didn't even change a bit.
While the dismissed attendant,
Plans of revenge he knit." - Just a personal nit-pick, I would remove 'even' as I felt that it interrupted the flow a little bit.
"He stood outside the bungalow,
Under the moonless night.
Placed a ladder against the wall,
Fire of revenge did ignite." - 'moonless night' is a great description setup for violence. I loved that.
"Climbed up quietly and prudently,
With a knife tightly clutched.
Joy bubbled inside him,
As her room's window he touched." - Very good word choice. I love the images you've set up and the story so far. It almost sounds like a dark nursery rhyme.
"The predator inched closer,
Flaunting the sharp knife.
"Stop!" said the widow,
The deceased Mr.Cole's wife." - Again, I love your descriptions. 'Predator' is a great word.
""Move forward another step?"
She continued, "Don't you dare!
Kill me only when,
I'm done settling my hair." " - I love the ending here. It was such a fun piece to read. It was a clever turn of events that she was more afraid for her hair than her life, great characterization.
Overall, I loved going through this, you did a fantastic job here. I was excited from start to finish. Well done. Keep up the great work!
-Rynn
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Thank you so much for the detailed review, Rynn! Glad you liked it! :)
Zoe, I love it. While it seems a bit too dramatic until the end, it absolutely works in this poem. "A beautiful revenge" is perhaps exacted upon the would-be killer when interrupted again by the woman, still full of vanity, even near death. Nice work!
This is a cute story - the design of the piece reminds me of my Poem Silent W***e - I like the visuals you give us and enjoyed the last line, even if it was totally out of theme to the rest of the poem :) Well done X