As we all know, almost everything that exists in
this world has a dark side to it. Same goes for the rainbow, which, nearly all
of us, peruse as a mere splendid arc of colours adorning the sky after heavy
showers. But all is not what it seems. Everyone likes to keep secrets; the rainbow
is no exception. Behind the beauty of the rainbow hides something…something
gloomy, something dark, something that would scare the hell out of you…yes,
indeed, it’s the dark world!
Just
talking of the dark world would automatically create an eerie atmosphere around
you. In the dark world the air is cold, reeking heavily of the gore. Rivers of slime run around the place, falling down high cliffs forming gooey cascades. The little vegetation that one finds in the dark world consists of tall blades of grass which have been dying of thirst of late; blood being the only liquid supplied to them. One may also find trees which grow bones instead of fruits. Unusually tall people, witches and wizards
precisely, roam the lands. Each of them own a palatial domicile, no different than the Buckingham Palace itself (their homes contain bathrooms or not is still an unsolved mystery, though. That gives you an idea of how unpleasant they smell, I hope). There barely is any light in the dark world. Everything is ten times creepier than the darkest
nights experienced in our world.
Looks can
be deceiving. People are usually deceived by the bright colours of the rainbow,
the smooth structure it seems to have, the magical environment it creates. But
folks, do not forget, witches have a neat hand at casting spells, too. Thanks
to the inhabitants of the dark world; to keep their world a secret, they all
get to work after rainfall. Humans: known to be the wisest creatures on the
planet are, in my opinion, the most foolish creatures as well. Easily tricked
by the charm the colourful strip produces, they all believe what their naked
eye sees.
The dark
truth that lies behind is going unnoticed up till today. Just some, who have
the capability to dig deep into the folds of everything, are able to decipher
the truths that have been cleverly hidden. And no offence, I consider myself to
be one of them, after all the theory I have presented in front of you could be
well relied upon (well, you will soon believe me when the horrific creatures
themselves descend to the land and hold us captives for considering ourselves
the wisest of all). For now, all I can do is stare out of the window and adore
the ‘beauty’ of the rainbow, but only when I have a blanket wrapped up around
myself cause, you know, imagining the world over the rainbow can sure send
chills down my spine.
Dear Zoe. I enjoyed your words and thoughts.
For now, all I can do is stare out of the window and adore the ‘beauty’ of the rainbow, but only when I have a blanket wrapped up around myself cause, you know, imagining the world over the rainbow can sure send chills down my spine."
I liked the above lines. I liked the rainbow. Mystery and tale can be written. Thank you for sharing the amzing story and your thoughts.
Coyote
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts here, Coyote. Really appreciate it :)
Critique: (as a mere splendid arc of colours that adorns the sky) adorn - The verb "adorns" does not agree with the subject "that" I suggest changing the verb form
(Everyone likes to keep secrets; rainbow) the rainbow - The noun phrase "rainbow" is missing a determiner before it
Review: I like it, I don't remember anyone using a rainbows as a gateway to the land of darkness. The yen/yang beginning was great thinking and inspires your readers to consider just what does the rainbow hide. Masterfully written my friend Bravo! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!
Thank you for the constructive review! Much appreciated ^^
7 Years Ago
This is the kind of short story I can see publishers of many magazines both online and in paper prin.. read moreThis is the kind of short story I can see publishers of many magazines both online and in paper print being interested in.
I really do think that you have a lot of talent for a 14 year old. I think you should expand your story more. If you do expand this story more I world really like to read it. Keep up the good work.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
If I do expand the story, I'll let you know. Thanks again!
I was reading your story and I really think it was great. While I was reading it I was thinking about the my ying yang tattoo. Reason why I got it is because I believe everything in life has a balance.
You write very well for one of such a young age. This could also be applied to the political climate: behind the sweet promises and colorful banners, dark and dangerous "creatures" lurk to bend, shape and even destroy all those huddled masses who think they see clearly. Many would use images of the "children" and rainbow Skittle colors to deceive and squander the natural beauty we, the people, see. Thank you for a good read this Saturday morning.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Wow...what a perfect application. Thank you for your review. I truly appreciate it!
Aplomb? Hmm..never heard of the word. Well, now I know...thanks to you xD And thanks much for review.. read moreAplomb? Hmm..never heard of the word. Well, now I know...thanks to you xD And thanks much for reviewing, Tony. I appreciate it!
7 Years Ago
Oooh it's one of my most favorite words to use.
welcome !
So, this was all about how looks can be deceiving. The more in which I read your writing, the more I see it it growing in how you present it to the reader. This was really well written and took me into a world beyond the rainbow. The sentences were really tight and flowed beautifully. I felt I was taken into a glimpse of another world which exists beyond anything us humans have seen. But that in itself shows a great use of the imagination. I love the idea of creatures coming across the land too - It created quite powerful images of doom and gloom. To turn something bright and beautiful and to twist it around into something dark and sinister takes some doing. But that's exactly what you have done here, and have pulled it off with ease. I can imagine you writing this at the time and how joyful you must have felt when you pulled it off. It really is an exceptional piece to have read and I for one got really involved at how deep it went.
FANTASTIC PIECE ZOE.
Very well done, and well thought out.
Mark.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 2 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thank you so very much, Mr. Mark. The idea just popped up in my mind...when the teacher wrote all th.. read moreThank you so very much, Mr. Mark. The idea just popped up in my mind...when the teacher wrote all the topics on the board, I just knew what I had to do. I wrote this real fast...wasn't given much time. But once a rough idea was formed in my mind, I was able to write it within minutes. Thanks again. It means a lot!
7 Years Ago
Your wrote this in minutes - thats VERY impressive, but also shows that you can pick up on the small.. read moreYour wrote this in minutes - thats VERY impressive, but also shows that you can pick up on the smallest of things and turn it into something really creative. Not a lot of people can do that, but you have the ability to do just that. It holds you in good stead for the future in the world of writing. Imagination is key - and you have a great imagination.
Mark.
7 Years Ago
That really does mean a lot! Thank you so much! :)