Lying Is A Sin

That quiet little seven-year-old was sitting by herself,

Daydreaming about magical things; of fairies, unicorns and elves.

Busy wandering the meadows of her own fantasy-land,

What was the chaos around? She could not well understand.

Giving up on her fantasy, she stood up to look around,

And saw her classmates gathered, all staring at the ground.

She went up to them and scrutinized the centre of attraction,

Alas! Saw an injured bird, she’d better take some action!

Her mind in a state of commotion, she didn’t know what to do,

She saw a stone beside, that, maybe, at the bird someone threw.

Without giving another thought, she picked up the bloody stone,

The teacher watched from a distance, her presence was unknown.

Quick as a wink, the teacher approached the scene of crime,

Dragged the poor girl to the principal, without wasting any time.

“I didn’t harm the bird, sir!” said the thick-skinned.

The principal replied with a vacant expression, “Lying is a sin!”

 

That quiet little seven-year-old was walking home by herself,

Daydreaming about good things; of love and books in her shelf.

When all of a sudden her eyes fell upon a beautiful rose,

She ran towards it and sniffed it through her nose.

Seeing the flower’s half-withered leaves, her bold heart did melt,

Her bottle in her hand, to water the pretty bloom, she knelt.

She held the rose still, preventing it from swaying in the breeze,

And then, at the very moment, her hand someone squeezed.

Out of nowhere emerged the care-taker of the alluring flower,

Noticing her actions, at the girl he glowered.

“I am watering the flower, sir!” she said with a nervous grin,

Glaring at her in disgust, he replied, “Lying is a sin!”

 

That quiet little seven-year-old stepped inside her quiet house,

Remembering all those nasty incidents, a forlorn feeling did rouse.

She wanted to hide, from this world, from the sick people around,

The thought of stepping outside her home made her heart pound.

She sat on her favourite couch, tears rolling down her cheeks,

The couch soon wet with tears; oh, can someone fix the leak?

To make the situation worse, came her mother clutching a jar,

A jar half-filled with cookies; mother wore an expression bizarre.

On seeing the jar, in a flashback she went to the night before,

Where she saw her brother secretly eating cookies, sitting on the floor.

Before her mother could erupt with anger, the little girl began:

“Oh mum, you know, it wasn’t me, but it was surely Stan!”

Mother just glared; girl confused- This argument did i win?

To clear the confusion, her mother shouted, “Lying is a sin!”

 

That quiet little seven-year-old was crying herself to sleep,

Fed up with all those people around; how can one be so cheap?

Wasn’t there even a little trust remaining? The girl did wonder,

No- was the clear retort, the poor girl was torn asunder.

Remembering the many times she’d been lied to, the little girl whined,

Was God playing a game with her, or was this a punishment for being kind?

Knowing she was already stuck in this world for no less than a life,

Only way to survive here was through lying, cheating, killing with a knife.

The little girl was completely broken, for that who were to blame?

Undoubtedly those fools around! That night a kind soul they claimed.

Tears still dripping down her face, she could feel the pain within,

Closed her eyes, questioning herself again and again, “Lying is a sin?"

 

Author's Note

Ever felt helpless? Like this quiet little seven-year-old? All of us have gone through a time when we had to beg for others' trust. When no one believed us...did that change you? But it certainly changed this poor girl. She knew, this world was full of liars, and lying was a trick that should be mastered to ensure a happy life these days, here on earth. It is always better to have faith in the people who are dear to you. You may win an argument by lying to others, lying to yourself, but at the same time, you are losing something, or maybe someone...someone who is precious to you. So, talking about the poem, this isn't exactly the way I wanted it to be. Nonetheless, I would really appreciate it if you could take out some time to review the poem. Hope you like it. And yeah, do not change yourself for the people who do not like to see you the way you already are. Happy reading!

Reviews

[Ellen Hammond]

Wow! Having noticed that you are only 14, I am amazed not only by your talent for writing a story in rhyme but even more so by your deep understanding of life and how a kind soul can be tarnished by those who disbelieve them and lie to them as well. You are truly gifted to be able to such a stirring tale with a moral as well.

[Zoya]

Thank you very much! This had me flattered, I really appreciate the review :)

[Ellen Hammond]

You're welcome. I only tell it like I honestly see it. You are very talented indeed. Keep writing. :)

[Zoya]

Thank you again :)

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

I agree very talented

[Zoya]

Thank you ^^

[Gee]

" Does my bum look big in this "........to answer that truthfully would be much more of a sin than the little white lie told to maintain world peace !!!

[Zoya]

Haha XD Thanks for reading!

[BThomvanWart]

This is a very interesting take on the topic of lying and how it's perceived through different ages. As adults, it's normally a commonality to assume children will lie automatically to avoid blame or receive punishment. The wording was atypical, but I quite liked it. It kept my attention on the subject and making sure I followed the flow of the poem. It's a very well written piece. Good job. ^_^

[Zoya]

Thank very much for your kind words. They mean a lot :)

[FIN]

This is brilliant--from start to finish. The level of emotion evoked while evolving the story-line and keeping up with the rhythm and rhyme was wonderfully done. Your syntax was great as well and the thought-provoking message too, added yet another layer of well done poetic expression.

A spelling mistake on line five "he" should equal "she" other than that I really didn't analyze this poem for mistakes because you had me so enthralled within the story. (A very good sign.)

Much love,

LR

[Zoya]

ohh, thanks a lot for pointing out the mistake! And also for your kind words. I really appreciate the review :)

[SOUL LESS]

I absolutely loved it. I think the world would be a much better place if the grown-ups learnt from the kids.

And assumptions: never assume anyone's intentions, give them a chance to explain and trust in them. That's what I believe anyway. Too many people forget what it is like to be pure and innocent: essentially a child.


And to all the grown-ups:
The punishment of the liar is not that no one will believe him, it is that he cannot believe anyone.

Wish there was more humanity in this world: friendship and trust and belief.

[SOUL LESS]

And it's good, solid writing. My sister has a blog and she writes about this topic a lot too, growing up and the terrible, competitive, vindictive people around us. I think you should check it out. If you're interested I'll link you. It's really beautiful stuff. I think you'd like it.

[Zoya]

You're right. This world would have been a much better place to live if people around chose to remain true to themselves and to others as well. And I'll be happy to check out the blog! Thanks a lot for reviewing. I really appreciate it.

[SOUL LESS]

https://hibahshabkhezxicc.wordpress.com/2015/03/ This is one story related to that. Other than that, it is great on the whole as well.

Thanks and Good Luck!

[Zoya]

Thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good story written my friend. We are made by teachers and elders. Words deployed into our head and thoughts. I enjoyed the complete tale. You left something for the reader to think about. The goal of a writer.
Coyote

[Zoya]

Glad to know that this could make the reader think! Thank you so much for reviewing :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You did and you are welcome.

[apennylate]

A very good attempt at rhyming a full story out... Not something AT ALL easily done... You keep it simple, and punctuate the simplicity with raw emotional turn of tale... My attention was kept throughout. You could maybe use some work on overall clarity, and focus on contextual guidance... But seriously... Excellent work... Not AT ALL an easy thing to write such things in poetic form... Superbly penned...!

[Zoya]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the review :)

[apennylate]

My pleasure...!

[Wolf10]

I love the message, It's the sad truth of what's going on with so many suicides.

[Zoya]

Yeah, exactly. Glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing!

[JayG]

I see several problems in the rhyming scheme. First is that rhyming couplets quickly can get old, and give a hobbyhorse feel if you’re not careful. So it’s important to maintain prosody, ands a smooth flow. But what can you do with a line like:

“She went up to them and scrutinized the centre of attraction”

You might want to look at the excerpt to Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He addresses that problem very well, and I think it would be a big help.

Then, the story:

What you’re doing is setting up what’s called a straw man, a situation to fit the lesson, whre people act to meet the needs of the plot, rather than the lesson flowing from action that seems natural.

Look at the first stanza. A child sees other children gathered around a dead bird, notices the stone, picks it up, and is mistaken for the one who did it. But logic doesn’t support it.

Why would the culpret pick up the stone and not the bird? Obviously, the one who tossed it won’t be holding it. So why would a school official not ask what happened, and simply make a judgement and not let the child even explain? Does the child not have a single friend, or even a witness there who would say, “She didn’t throw the stone?” And in he end, apparently, that was it, because her mom wasn’t called. So it’s a “shake your head and wonder if all adults are idiots,” moment. But we don’t learn how she feels about it, and in that lies the story, not in the events. Events are history, and as boring as any history. It’s in the reaction, and the protagonist’s reaction to the events that story lies. And we don’t know how she feels about being unjustfully accused.

This continues in S2. What seven year old would water a flower and not the plant? What child would look at a rose, open and dropping petals, not recognize it as dead, and assume it was thirsty. Who waters the flower?

What house owner would get upset over a child touching a spent rose without asking what the child was doing? You’re trying to show that the child was broken by bad treatment, but would someone not believing her about the rose make her dispondent, or whauld she say, “I’ll know better than to go on that idiot’s lawn again?

But forgetting that, you made your point in S1. In S2 you repeated it and pounded it home. In S3 you drove it into the ground. In S4…

I really wish I had better news, because I can see what you’re trying to do. But if you are telling a story, poetic or not, the techniques of presenting fiction apply. So we need to know the child, and empathize with her, not just say, “Aww, poor kid.”

Hang in there. It doesn't get easier, but we do end up confused on a higher level.

[Tony Jordan]

I havent seen you review many poems Jay G - this is an honour for me to read.

[Zoya]

Thank you so much for reviewing, sir! I understand all the mistakes you've pointed out. And I agree with you. I'll try not to repeat them in my next write. Thanks once again.

[Jessica Lima]

Good writers can always make their audience feel something. Zoe, I felt so many emotions... helplessness, anger, fear, disgust, rage, confusion, betrayal... Great work. :) Thanks for sharing

[Zoya]

Thank you so much! Glad you could feel the emotions :)

[Najam Us Saher]

Trust me you are great. Your idea the message you put across the way you write, the flow and rhythm you create are just amazing. I loved this one. It really hurts when you say the truth and no one believes you. It do changes our lives.

[Zoya]

Aw, thank you so much. It means a lot :)

[Najam Us Saher]

you're most welcome ☺