The Crooked House

My hands are cold, my face is bruised,

My clothes and shoes are torn.

As I have reached yet so far,

On the way that i had sworn.

Carrying only a drawing of,

A crooked house that i made.

After my dreams tested my patience,

Showing me this house, nightly, to locate.

I had the feeling as if,

There was something for me in there.

Thousands of voices calling out my name,

The house might make me a millionaire!

I stand there with the drawing in my hand,

Raised up to meet my eye-level.

As I lower my hand to look around,

The sight of the same house gives me a tremble.

Each step gets me closer to the house,

The same voices filling my ears.

My hands shake as i open the iron gates,

I deem my end is near.

I find myself lucky enough,

To be alive while entering the house.

For I just had a near escape,

From the gates that were forcing me out.

And as I enter the house,

The darkness of hell surrounds me.

I pull myself together and continue moving,

Towards a streak of light which I see.

I finally reach the room from where,

The streak of light seems to come.

Standing at the door in utter disbelief,

Is my reaction to the sight of my dead dad and mum.

Dressed all in white, glowing from head to toe,

They take a step in my direction.

I feel scared and try to move back,

But I'm held in place due to their affection

An inch away from me they stand,

Looking just like angels from Heaven.

I vaguely remember their faces for,

They left when i was barely seven.

In no time my mother starts talking,

In an eerie voice I've never heard.

The lines she says, leave me in confusion,

Since they contain the following words:

"Darling! Good to see you after a long time,

You haven't even changed a bit.

Audacious enough to have reached this house,

The only thing you lack is wit.

Oh, I hope you haven't forgotten about,

The warning we gave you before leaving for this house.

In greed we set off with some empty bags,

At night when you just began to drowse.

We shook you to senses and said:

"We're going to leave you alone for sometime,

Don't worry, 'cause when we return,

You'll no longer wear these clothes of grime.

In case we don't return,

Within the next ten days,

Beware of a crooked house that might,

Lure you into searching for its way."

Now my father begins-''Oh dear, it seems as if,

You were half-asleep when we warned you.

In greed and hunger you've reached here,

What will happen next, you haven't got a clue."

He barely finishes the sentence,

When two hands grab my foot from behind.

They pull me down and take me away from my parents,

Who ignore me and stand there as blinds.

After, what it seems, a year I open my eyes,

To find myself lying on a huge bed.

I see my ghostly parents and beg them to spare me,

When they say in a frightening whisper-"Baby, you're already dead."

Author's Note

I'd like to tell you that I sought the inspiration for this poem from the music video of the popular song 'Faded' by Alan Walker. I just wanted to put forward my thoughts regarding the video so I chose to present them in a rather cool way. The poem also tells that greed is often fatal. I hope you like it. Please review.

Reviews

[Omikron]

It's a very elaborate poem, much like a story. However, I find it a bit lacking in rhythm, I think the rhymes are excellent but the absence of a pattern slightly distracting, and I think that the story would be presented in a better way if there was a more regular pattern. But maybe that's just me, I'm not used to read poems like this.

I truly admire your talent for telling a story in such a beautiful way. Thank you for sharing.

// O

[Zoya]

I agree with you. There is an absence of pattern. This was my first attempt at writing a poem actually. Thanks a lot for the review :)

[Mr.Writer]

Great job Zoe! This is heart-warming, engaging and super-long! xD

[Zoya]

Haha, thank you so much!

[Manu]

At the age of 14, if you can write a strong piece like this then it is simply amazing . You really have it in you.
Good story telling and an interesting theme.
Very nicely taled haunting story poem. A good twist at the end :-) I enjoyed reading this piece. Thanks for sharing.

[Zoya]

Thank you so much for your kind words Gorthi! I really appreciate it :)

[60s]

This is a story I love it, the suspense, the tension that was brought to me was truly a piece of art. I love your writing style keep up the good work!

[Zoya]

Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!

[.]

A nicely written Gothic piece, not sure if it qualifies as a ballad, that is something intended to be sung, and this piece doesnt read like a ballad, more a narrative poem.

An interesting idea, well executed. Perhaps work on consistency of flow and rhyme sequence to make the piece stronger and induce a lyrical tone, always important for longer pieces to maintain the readers attention.

A very nice write for a 14yo however! Keep on writing. You will get better with experience.

[Zoya]

Thanks for reviewing :) I'll keep that in mind from the next time

[Leslie Philibert]

Like this, it is not easy to get the form and tempo of
a ballad right, and you do very well here !

[Zoya]

Oh thanks a lot Leslie :) I really appreciate it.

[saasha]

it amazing glues my eyes to the screen yet being bit long...its interesting ....

[Zoya]

Thanks Saasha :)

[Njeri Brooks]

Man, I guess the mc (main character) rude "awakening", and it was a "ghostly" good tale. The mc may have seemed a bit "hollow", but you brought the account to life with the deadly twist at the end.

lol, I feel like my puns may have sucked, but thanks for sending the read request. I enjoyed this tale.

[Zoya]

Thank you so much for reading!

[Tbear]

I look forward to reading more of your works..though this was a sad bittersweet piece ..I liked it.. write on..

[Zoya]

Thanks for reading :)

[Johnny Dep]

There is a definitely a voice in words and you proved it.
Thank you for sharing Zoe.

[Zoya]

Thanks Johnny :)

[Johnny Dep]

You are welcome Zoe.

[Paul Bell]

Great story. Dark as the old fables should be.
Like the way you built it up through the lairs.
Great twist at the end.
Don't know when you wrote this. I ended one called the photograph in a similar vein. Promise i didn't steal it off you. lol

[Zoya]

Thanks a lot for reviewing Paul...And I'm sure you wouldn't have stolen it from me!