The Crooked House

My hands are cold, my face is bruised,

My clothes and shoes are torn.

As I have reached yet so far,

On the way that i had sworn.

Carrying only a drawing of,

A crooked house that i made.

After my dreams tested my patience,

Showing me this house, nightly, to locate.

I had the feeling as if,

There was something for me in there.

Thousands of voices calling out my name,

The house might make me a millionaire!

I stand there with the drawing in my hand,

Raised up to meet my eye-level.

As I lower my hand to look around,

The sight of the same house gives me a tremble.

Each step gets me closer to the house,

The same voices filling my ears.

My hands shake as i open the iron gates,

I deem my end is near.

I find myself lucky enough,

To be alive while entering the house.

For I just had a near escape,

From the gates that were forcing me out.

And as I enter the house,

The darkness of hell surrounds me.

I pull myself together and continue moving,

Towards a streak of light which I see.

I finally reach the room from where,

The streak of light seems to come.

Standing at the door in utter disbelief,

Is my reaction to the sight of my dead dad and mum.

Dressed all in white, glowing from head to toe,

They take a step in my direction.

I feel scared and try to move back,

But I'm held in place due to their affection

An inch away from me they stand,

Looking just like angels from Heaven.

I vaguely remember their faces for,

They left when i was barely seven.

In no time my mother starts talking,

In an eerie voice I've never heard.

The lines she says, leave me in confusion,

Since they contain the following words:

"Darling! Good to see you after a long time,

You haven't even changed a bit.

Audacious enough to have reached this house,

The only thing you lack is wit.

Oh, I hope you haven't forgotten about,

The warning we gave you before leaving for this house.

In greed we set off with some empty bags,

At night when you just began to drowse.

We shook you to senses and said:

"We're going to leave you alone for sometime,

Don't worry, 'cause when we return,

You'll no longer wear these clothes of grime.

In case we don't return,

Within the next ten days,

Beware of a crooked house that might,

Lure you into searching for its way."

Now my father begins-''Oh dear, it seems as if,

You were half-asleep when we warned you.

In greed and hunger you've reached here,

What will happen next, you haven't got a clue."

He barely finishes the sentence,

When two hands grab my foot from behind.

They pull me down and take me away from my parents,

Who ignore me and stand there as blinds.

After, what it seems, a year I open my eyes,

To find myself lying on a huge bed.

I see my ghostly parents and beg them to spare me,

When they say in a frightening whisper-"Baby, you're already dead."

Author's Note

I'd like to tell you that I sought the inspiration for this poem from the music video of the popular song 'Faded' by Alan Walker. I just wanted to put forward my thoughts regarding the video so I chose to present them in a rather cool way. The poem also tells that greed is often fatal. I hope you like it. Please review.

Reviews

[Omikron]

It's a very elaborate poem, much like a story. However, I find it a bit lacking in rhythm, I think the rhymes are excellent but the absence of a pattern slightly distracting, and I think that the story would be presented in a better way if there was a more regular pattern. But maybe that's just me, I'm not used to read poems like this.

I truly admire your talent for telling a story in such a beautiful way. Thank you for sharing.

// O

[Zoya]

I agree with you. There is an absence of pattern. This was my first attempt at writing a poem actually. Thanks a lot for the review :)

[KWP]

Well if this was your first attempt at writing a poem I am impressed - and are you really just 14? I don't believe it with words like this - well done you.

It's a great little story - I agree with the other review, it does lack rhythm in places and this can be fixed by reading it aloud - also don't cheat with your rhymes - if it don't rhyme don;t force it - it drags away from your piece (I was told that long ago - just passing that info on :D)

Keep on writing you - amazing things will happen !!!

[KWP]

Ahhh you are Indian - no wonder you liked the Chai Walla!

[Zoya]

Yeah, I am 14 XD. Thank you for the constructive review and also for passing that little bit of info which means a lot to me! Thanks for reviewing. And yeah, you don't know, Chai wallah's here have the potential to change the world. XD

[KWP]

I have been to India numerous times - love my Chai :D

Where abouts in India do you live?
and you are welcome - you are a great writer X

[Zoya]

Glad to know you've been to India, and also to know you loved the Chai! I live in Lucknow. And thanks once again!

[Zoya]

If you've been to Taj Mahal, you must have come here.

[KWP]

I have been to Taj - but not to Lucknow - I have relatives that live in Mumbai :D

[Zoya]

Oh, that's great! :-D

[Zoya]

Even I spent a year in Mumbai, but we shifted back here.

[Brennon]

This is amazing! Keep up the good work!

[Zoya]

Thank you so much :)

[Michael G. Smith]

The ending caught me by surprise which to me is an indicator of a good storyteller. What related me more to the story was that both my parents were killer when I wasa kid and I had nightmares of my mother for many years. You have a gift for compelling the read which I like. Although, a few suggestions; I read this removing most of the my's and it added a little more poetic power. Try it yourself. Most of the time I's and my's are unnecessary to carry the story. Also, watch for uses of past tense and rather use present moment instead such as have rather than had for example. I pick this up in a writing class at the time I was unaware that I was doing myself. Hopefully you so more stories in your archive which to post soon. Have a wonderful day.

[Zoya]

Thanks so much for reviewing! I would certainly take all your suggestions into account. Thanks once again for taking out your time. And yeah, I will be posting soon :) Good day to you too!

[Bransun Mitchell]

I think that regardless of the rhythm this still has a consistent story, and still gives the imagery that you are supposed to have in most imagery poems. It's a fascinating and wonderful poem.

[Zoya]

Thank you so much for your time. I am glad you liked it :)

[Bare trees]

the title grabbed me from the start. you did this very well. you have talent.

[Zoya]

Thank you so much :)

[heartspeaks]

KUDOS! i love reading long poems that don't bore and this was surely amazing ...Thrilling , cliff hanging in each and every line... crazy imagination...
Though it dosen't accurately rhyme like normal poems but poetry is not just about rhyming... I simply loved it... the way the entrance was depicted and then her parents and their affection and that convetsation... Ending just leaves jaw dropped...CRAZY poem i tell you.... Fab work.. keep it up
and the best thing of all was the title...superb

[Zoya]

Haha, thank you very much for your review :)

[Wolf10]

I really liked this Poem . From beginning until end this had me hooked .

[Zoya]

Thank you so much for reviewing!

[matrixmark]

A story within a poem (this is the second one I have done tonight)

For some reason I was drawn to the crooked house bit (maybe its just me and I like all things weird and dark) and it was safe to say it DEFINATELY held my interest.
I really liked the line 'The sight of the same house gives me a tremble.' - I know in poems you can't do much description wise BUT becuase of the word 'tremble' it gave me a good idea of how scary the 'crooked house' really looked. Also because of the word 'crooked' in your title this brings the image even more to life as well. It's always little details which I seem to hook onto and they hold me in their grip.

The last 3 parts were a perfect build up to A KILLER OF AN ENDING.

AWESOME POEM. I LOVED THIS ONE.

Mark.

[Mr.Writer]

I was the first one ;)

[matrixmark]

LOL

Mark.

[Zoya]

Thank you so very for your kind words! I really appreciate your review :)

[Zoya]

So very much*

[matrixmark]

It was a very picturesque read.
And i thank you for posting it up here.

Mark.

[Zoya]

Aw, you're most welcome :) Thanks once again for reading.

[matrixmark]

Not a problem. The pleaure wqs mine.

Mark.

[Dr. Wood ?]

if this is your first attempt at poetry it is not at all bad. It is easy however to get carried away with the story when writing and FORGET that rhyming poetry should really have perfect meter...There are far too many syllables in some lines and it makes it awkward to read. I am sure that you will overcome this the more you try poetry, but THAT really IS the key....REMEMBER the rhythm of the rhyme

[Zoya]

Thank you so very much for reviewing, sir! I really appreciate your review and look forward to improve my writing.

[Jessica Lima]

I was too caught up on the story to care about technicalities. So I truly love this piece. :) nothing bad to say about it either. I am excited to check out more of your stuff.

[Zoya]

Thank you so much for reviewing Jessica!