When The Streets Peeled Back Into Ash

Once, I was a pioneer. I was a tidal wave in a woman's womb.
Once, I was burning and belligerant, trapped and convinced that I was dangerous.
Once, I was a longing between seems, between sheets, between teeth marks and tall tale.
Once, I was screaming, dripping with lust and passion on a paint brush.
Once, I was more than myself could bare.
 

And then the streets peeled back into ash.
And then the shins of soldiers appeared.
And then the soles of sovereignty were here.
And the beat of breathlessness went tripping through my ears.
 

Once, I was a nameless figure, holding baby's breath in the shadows of lost lineage.
Once, I was a pigeon among patrons, lost and concieted.
Once, I was a  dreamer on an olive branch of best wishes.
Once, I was bilking the bones of long britches.

And then the roads caved to the lakes.
And then the march christened my name.
And then the boots borrowed my shame.
And I was drowned in their diaphernous claims.

Author's Note

This is rough. Maybe even unfinished. But tell me what you think.

Reviews

[ColbyParish]

You conveyed the intensity of the piece very well. I felt it.

[foolsrush]

This is the best piece I have read in a long time, I really enjoyed the intensity of the structure here. Great work!

[kruser23]

Some really great lines here.

[Una Xoto]

This is a stunner. I was hoping to find a gorgeous poem to ease my mind today...i found it.

[Brittany]

I dig the fluidity in this piece, burning with keen observations of a womans turmoil.

Bravo for this one.

[Legion]

Intense. I love that opening line best of all. Your pen burns those thoughts deep into the page. Keep it up. Well done.

[raining]

oh so good. nice to read you again. a tidal wave in a womans womb. and the next lines grow from that line, each is convincing. when writing is in appearence arbitrary, and then at the same time is dead nuts now, that i like. (one of my house mates is wandering around in his underware white legs, talking endlessly, i have to put some beethoven ninth symphhony in my machine) but anyway, yes, repetitive doesnt always work but it does seem okay here. it is some genius stuff, but the last stanza is the least strong and you might want to take a look at this and the makeup of the total poem after some time has gone by.

I hope i didnt sound pompous or any of that, i just see it as if it were something i had written. very good.