one night

Let's steal together a night
A night that is our own
And stay up till dawn spreads light
On this world we call our home

Let's have our taste of freedom
No longer confined by these bars
For the night is only for us
And for it we are.

Let's ditch the rules for once
And reach inside our minds
Remove the problems we face
And love is all we find.

Let's throw caution to the wind
As stars freckle the evening sky
Until the starlight goes dim
And we have to say goodbye

Reviews

[emipoemi]

I love this love poem. It's very well-constructed with great imagery, juicy lines ("as stars freckle the evening sky"), and great musicality. I would suggest to notes here:

1. "and for it we are".....because the previous line reads "for this night is only for us", it would help the musicality a lot more if "only" is also added, perhaps: "and only for it we are".

2. "And love is all we find"....this stanza is good as is, however, the two thoughts expressed here are not quite congruous at first read. You start off with a command/suggestion of "ditch[ing] the rules and reach[ing] inside [your] minds", what the "Remove the problems we face" is doing then, is continuing and adding on that common/suggestion, whereas by the last line "And love is all we find" proves it instead to be a conditional phrase of sorts. If you were to change that last line a a bit so that it stays congruous with the first thought ("'Til love is all we find" or whatever), then it would read better.

Well done otherwise!!

[Damien Ridge]

Good love poem. Liked the structure. "As stars freckle the evening sky" is a creative line, good stuff! Thanks for sharing.