Revolution One

Our story begins with a young Eleanor recalling her first disobedience and the price she must pay for it.

In all the years she would live, Eleanor would never know pain as when she was seven years old, and watched her only friend in the world lay strapped to the table, bleeding from the scraps of flesh on his back.

Eleanor pressed her hands to the glass that separated her from him, tears stinging her eyes, screams searing her throat:

“Let him go!”

The man in the room with her simply looked at her, the mirrored spectacles reflecting back the panic. He made no indication to stop the men in the inner room, nor did he try to appease her. She turned back to him, her friend, her only friend. The blood gushed over his side, dripping into a growing lake on the stones below. Though she could not hear his cries through the glass, every time his mouth popped open, she felt a jolt through her core, a cocktail of anger and despair rolling in the pit of her stomach. The men with him wore horrid, swine-like masks and studded, glistening whips in their fists. It was impossible to tell if humans breathed behind the masks " or monsters. 

“Make it stop!”

“It will stop.”

“Then make it stop!” she howled. “You’re going to kill him!”

“No, Eleanor. You will kill him with what you’ve done.”

“I haven’t done anything!”

But it wasn’t true. She had done the unthinkable with him, with Evan " her friend, her true, true friend. He’d told her at the very beginning that the road they took could lead them here " right into the crosshairs of the Establishment. As she looked into the mask of the man before her, she could see Evan the night they had agreed to keep their affairs a secret.

“I’ll do as you’ve asked me, Ellie,” he’d whispered, tucking her hair behind her ear. “But we must be careful. You must never tell anyone. Not the girls you go to classes with, not the servants, not Maintenance, not your teachers. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

“Yes,” she’d whispered back. But never in her gravest nightmare did their defiance bring them here. What they had done had not seemed so wrong at the time. It seemed the most natural, most fascinating thing imaginable. It was strange to look around at her classmates and remember that none of them could do what they were doing late at night, when curfew had come and gone.

But those times were past now. She returned to the present, when the proof had fallen from her dress pocket into the sight of a guard, and the two of them had been carted here. 

“It stops when you say it.”

“Then stop!”

“That isn’t what I’m waiting to hear. Admit what you’ve done.”

She swallowed. It was far easier to act on a wrongdoing than confess to it. Now that the time had come to lay down the cards, she realized how foolish it had been. She licked her lips, wishing she could swallow the truth and never look upon it again.

“I learned to read.”

“Daughters are not to know the letters. Their guardians are not to teach them. Your actions have reflected poorly upon the Establishment. It is no light crime you and your guardian have indulged in " and had we followed protocol, we would have awarded Extermination to the both of you.”

She felt the blood run from her own face.

“You’re in debt to the Counselors this time, Eleanor,” the guard said. “They’ve chosen to spare you both, if you show remorse for your crime.”

The still, watchful mask fell back into the place " it was her turn. Even harder than admitting the crime was apologizing, for she was not sorry that she had begged Evan for half a year to teach her to read, nor was she sorry that she had practiced every night since underneath her bedcovers. She was not sorry that she had spent those nights reading Evan’s books over his shoulder, nor was she sorry that she had put the piece of paper she was practicing on into her dress pocket. She was not sorry to the guard who calmly reprimanded her, not to the torturers in the next room " she was not even sorry to the Counselors who had so kindly spared her and Evan’s lives.

Her eyes found Evan. The flow of blood was slowing from his back, and his eyes were sliding out of focus. He could not see her through the one way glass, but she held his gaze all the same. It was not the Establishment that she had failed that night.

“I’m so sorry.”

At her words, the men with whips dropped their weapons and approached the table, unfastening the restraints from his limbs. As the man in the room unlocked the door so she could greet him, she couldn’t look away. His eyes came back to life as she said it, as though there were no glass at all. 

Eleanor ran out into the hall, where a crowd had gathered outside the room. Her classmates were there, hands over their mouths, nervously twirling their hair. Some of her teachers were there too, along with a soldier or two, watchful over their teacups. A girl with a prominent nose and a smattering of acne stepped out of the crowd. 

“Eleanor, what did you do?” asked Vivienne. 

Before she could answer, the door ahead in the hall slid open. A collective gasp ran through the group, and Eleanor had no question why: through the white shirt he’d worn, blood had soaked through Evan’s fabric, dripping down his back and sides. 

She stopped just before him, unsure of what to say. Perhaps he would not wish to see her. Would he too think that it was all her fault, as the man had? 

But the Evan she knew did no such thing. Instead of answering the questions of the other Daughters, Evan grabbed her hand and pulled her along the corridor, limping.

For the rest of the night, they stayed in their room, much to Eleanor’s disagreement. 

“Raphael would see you,” she told him, but he shook his head.

“No, Ellie.” He stripped off the bloody shirt. “You’ll have to do it.”

It would be many years before Eleanor would learn that guardians did not receive medical treatment " least of all from someone like Raphael. She had found antibacterial ointment in the cabinet, along with bandages. She worked slowly, cleaning out the wounds with a bottle of saline solution and a towel from the bathroom as he directed her. She cringed with him as she moved over his back. The wounds were deep and black, the blood still flowing freely. That night, she slept at his side, frightened that he might not wake come the morning.

Each night after, she would lift up his shirt to see how he was healing. Slowly, the flesh grew back together, though much pus and scar tissue was had before that time came. No matter how many years had passed, no matter how much ointment she dabbed on, she could still see the network of lines where the lashes bit his flesh. 

In all the years she would live, she always would.

Reviews

[kylejacobson]

Dystopian societies are fun to play in. The route you have chosen could be quite interesting and I look forward to seeing the road it follows.

My first statement is, of course, an assumption, but it's what you've left me with after this initial encounter with the universe you have created :)

[JR Darewood]

Very Orwellian, but this is more human than 1984 (1984 got a bit monotonous by the end). I love the symbolism of the masks, and the timing of the reveal of her transgression was great.

[thespiritinthestone]

Thanks for the comment :)

[Wondering Mind]

I am not an expert on story writing, or any form of writing (for that matter), but can tell when a style captivates the reader in descriptives and flow of events.. nice style

[thespiritinthestone]

Thank you very much :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Wondering Mind]

YW..Again, I apologise for not being able to give any valuable feedback, except what I personally get from it...I will read on, that I promise :)

[thespiritinthestone]

Oh good :) I'm trying my best to put out another chapter every day or every other. I hope you enjoy my story :)

[Mother Maggie]

Wow! That is a very powerful piece. I could feel the anguish of the young woman living through that experience in that oppressive society.

[thespiritinthestone]

Thank you :) I did wonder whether her pain was tangible enough.

[A. H. Pinley]

Great opener to your story. Enjoyed reading! Great work!

[thespiritinthestone]

Thank you - if you enjoyed the opener, perhaps you might enjoy the other two chapters that are currently up :)