What you are to me cannot
be contained on this page.
I dare only compare you to what my eyes can see.
What you are to me;
Is the breath of life kindling souls from slumber,
the tender crackle in their first morning step.
The happiness that fills their joyful being,
as they delight in the allure of this world.
What you are to me;
Is the melody of the morning sunshine
sung across the waking golden horizons.
The mythical oceans of the boundless world,
resounding the azure sky’s exquisite smile.
What you are to me;
Is the elegant wind caressing my soul,
holding my endless hope in its warm embrace.
Destiny’s fate protecting my soulful dreams,
clutching pieces of the puzzle that is me.
What you are to me;
Is the spectrum of colours in my bright mind
painting pictures of you from dusk until dawn.
The night-bird’s song of eternal devotion,
as shadows of the night dance the love away.
What you are to me;
Is the flutter of butterflies in my heart,
whenever I witness your dazzling beauty.
The euphoric splendor in my moonlit eyes,
as your sweet lips utter the words, “I love you”
What you are to me;
Is the luminous star in the nighttime sky,
cradling my precious wishes to fruition.
The moon’s charming gaze whispering lunar dust,
showering the Earth with radiance and grace.
Know that you are all this,
and so much more to me!
Obviously, the first thing I'm going to do here is to praise the imagery. Very impressive! I would not start quoting lines here, as I do not intend to post your poem again for you. Almost all lines are exquisite. This is true poetry.
I think the matter of fact tone with which you describe such images of splendor lends the poem an enchanting tone. Just like someone is telling his love what she means to him. Rhyme might have detracted from this, so your choice of structure is very well thought of!
I will attempt to point out a few areas where this poem can be improved though. In my opinion atleast!
3rd stanza, last line
"resounding the azure sky’s exquisite smile."
The phraze azure sky is quite cool! I've used it myself, once. But "resounding" doesn't seem to be the word that should have been used here. Maybe you should investigate this.
4th stanza, second line. This is so negligible a flaw, you might become incensed, lol. But I'm a perfectionist ;) And I think "it’s" should really have been "its".. "its" is a possessive pronoun, which is what you mean here, while "it's" is an abbreviation of "it is"
5th stanza, fourth line. I think the article "the" wasn't needed at the beginning of the line.
You would have recognized that these shortcomings are of minor import, and do not detract from the awesomeness of this poem :)
Another great job!
Wow... that was amazing... as usual. You're definitely in my top 3 favorite poets of all time. Everything you said was true and heartfelt, and I thought this one in particular was really sweet. I loved it!! Haha I wish some guy would say all that to me... just not yet :) Really good work, keep it up! And seriously, turn all your poetry into a book. I'll buy it. :)
~Julia
The name is Ivan - I'm 31. I am originally from Bosnia and Herzegovina. I left my country in 94 because of the civil war. After emigrating, my family lived in France for 2 years before coming to Canad.. more..