Again you do this love and loss style impeccably! I think the aabb here works really well and accentuates the style and rhythm and feelings that you are evoking within the reader. This deserves no less than 100% because of the strength of hopelessness running through it, and the articulate way in which you push it over the internet all the way here, and still make a woman cry lol...again... I'm going soft in my great age!
When the walls are falling in. We can feel helpless and confused. Your poem tells a story of seeing and knowing the paradise is going to hell. The story was strong and the ending was very sad. Can allow disappointment to make us want to die. All things fall for some reasons. Sometimes we can't see them till later. A excellent poem.
Coyote
Holy crap....that ending took me by surprise a bit. That is high drama! I really liked the offset rhyming scheme, I thought it worked really well. I could feel the despair turning to premature lonliness and could see this persons big picture shrinking by the second. I know I have been there and I am sure most have. Nice way to express it, I liked it.
The name is Ivan - I'm 31. I am originally from Bosnia and Herzegovina. I left my country in 94 because of the civil war. After emigrating, my family lived in France for 2 years before coming to Canad.. more..