Double-Digit Departure

Double-Digit Departure

A Poem by Kadie Tee
"

When I turned 20, I wrote an elegy for myself, just in case. Now that I'm 21...... I think I'd still use it. :D

"

 

Twenty year old

Hands and feet

Fingers and toes

A double-digit hero.

 

Fingers to type

Words that bite,

Words to wake

The dead

Only sleeping;

Resting minds

Having grown obese.

 

Twenty year old

Neurons and dendrites

Pulses and electricity

Flicker, illuminate

Now cut, frayed

Cease to vibrate.

A double-digit disaster.

 

Hands to bind

Fists that choke blood flow

Fists to fight only by pen

Fight by word

Fight by idea

Striking hard with every stroke

With every delivered blow.

 

Twenty year old

Body and spirit

Sixty year old

Heart and soul

Drifted away

A rotting memory

 

A double-digit departure

tonight.

 

© 2008 Kadie Tee


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Fingers (to) type

//not needed..


Words to wake

The dead

//cool..

Having grown obese.

//not great.. needs work.


Twenty year old

Neurons and dendrites

Pulses and electricity

//its ok.. could be more potent, more slammy. which, i know thats what you want. you want to slam.

Flicker, illuminate

//hit those words with a thesaurus.. itll take about one minute.

Now cut, frayed

//cool..


Hands to bind

Fists that choke blood flow

Fists to fight only by pen

//all these 'tos' and 'thats' sap the strength from your words.

Fight by word

Fight by idea

//holy crap there are great words for 'fight'.

Striking hard with every stroke

With every delivered blow.

//awkward..

Drifted away

A rotting memory
A double-digit departure

tonight.

//ultra cool beat on the last word. nice.
try an established poetic form. you might really like it.
the cinquain form by line.
2 syllables
4
6
8
2
freakin try one man.
i have one up.
An Incantation Against Illness
laterz,
T



Posted 16 Years Ago


man I am only 19 but my body feels 60 and my mind feels 80 and senile. A very nice write keep it up. PS I reopened my pain contest check it out

Posted 16 Years Ago


This was a nice write. Sometimes it helps to write about yourself, not just for you, but for those around you. Thanks for sharing.

Posted 16 Years Ago


very nice. i'm 20 so i think that's why i love it. :)


Posted 17 Years Ago


0 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 8, 2008

Author

Kadie Tee
Kadie Tee

The Slums of Monte Delentino, MI



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Hey hey there... how are we today? Fantastic; me too. Now that we have that out of the way, let me tell you something about myself and my writing. I seem to have a sarcastic, pessimistic view of the w.. more..

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