Bargains

Bargains with God in exchange for a loved one.

 

At a total loss. What can I say when I’m at a total loss? What words can possibly come from this mouth that could be pieced together as something recognizable at this moment? There are no words; blank stares and wandering thoughts are all I can offer you. Blank stares into a room that is now much too empty; blank stares blurred by waterlogged eyes. What can I give you to make you come back? What can I bargain, sell, trade for you to be near again?

 

Blank stares get me nowhere with you. Get me nowhere with Him.

 

You can’t even realize what’s happening; you aren’t here to see me work so desperately for you.

 

The room is silent; no deal has been cut. I wipe my face with the wrinkled bed sheets, waiting for your footsteps, maybe a turn of a doorknob, maybe a ring from the telephone. I wonder why you left. Did I do something wrong? Did I take you for granted?

 

I fear I did.

 

So I speak with Him in the room’s privacy and stillness; He’s stubborn to reply. I am asking please, if you’d be so kind, the generic politeness you taught me so long ago. I offer my belongings, the house, and everything else up for trade in the hopes of seeing you again.

 

A cold breeze tells me he has turned away. He lends me no helping hand, no kind words of support; only the dead silence and slow pulse of my heart beating on the edge of sanity for you. I’m starting to think I lost the deal.

 

Screaming and fussing on the messy bed, I pound my fists in a searing temper; it always worked on you. Hot water seeps from my eyes as I beg and plead for you, His decision seemingly set in stone. He wanted you; I need you. Why can’t he see I still need you? Why is he showing no remorse for his actions; no thoughtful kindness that was taught to us when we were children?

 

I was such a child; I still believed in the thing called kindness.

 

This day has changed me; you changed me, He changed me. Forced to change through pain and anguish, kindness is a word

 

That He has made myth in my eyes.

Reviews

[Berkley Conner Jr]

Losing youre faith can really hurt. You can tell by your writing. I cannot even begin to know how you feel but I do feel some of the pain that emminates from the very essence of your writing. That is unique in my eyes

[Donald Ray Heistand]

This really makes me feel the emptiness of someone that is all alone without even faith to comfort them. There is great pathos in a person thinking they lost someone because of their own behavior in the eyes of God. I'd like to know what this person would be willing to offer in a bargain to get their lost loved one back.