Teen Story WIP--need some ideas for a plot!

Four interesting teens burn time in their s****y neighborhood... may turn into a book if i get a good plot going.

 

“This town is so busted,” Mabel groans as she picks up her notebook and backpack from the sidewalk. Her pencils fall from an unzipped pocket onto the concrete and she sighs loudly, drawing laughs from me, Tobey, and Eric. Her eyes dart up at us as she bends to pick up the pencils, her eyebrows pressed firmly downward and her mouth twisted into an unpleased frown. She rises and looks down the street toward the 8-Ball Liquor Store, licking her lips in the Autumn breeze.

 

We’d been sitting on the curb arguing back and forth about what the best Atari game of all-time was for about an hour after school had let out, and in that small span of time had almost forgotten how s****y our small neighborhood really was. In the summer, we’d all get together and walk around it three or four times a day; cruising the boardwalk, admiring the graphiti at the grocery store, buying random crap at the Salvation Army, and hanging out in the 8-Ball until it closed.

 

Now we stand in a semi-circle on the sidewalk staring at each other with packs still strapped to our backs, our smiles gone and our ambition drained by a six A.M. wake up call.

 

Mabel sighs again and shrugs lightly. “So whaddya wanna do, guys?”

 

The leaves scrape against the pavement of the street as they catch the wind, most of them still a yellowed-green from the premature autumn weather. Our feet create a sort of collective gallop together as we make our way toward the 8-Ball, accompanied by a faint gimpy slap of a busted sole coming from none other than Tobey, who is grinning about it in his vacant and dimwitted way, but we love him for that.

“My mom bought me new shoes last week,” he says, breaking the silence in the group. “They’re Keds though… I think they’re gay.” He laughs because he said the word “gay.” We roll our eyes in unison and his laughter trails off until it’s lost in the light whooshing of the breeze. He’s a good guy at heart, but I think the breeze blows right through his ears and the tickle of it makes him laugh at strange times, but that’s okay; that’s just Tobey.

 

The 8-Ball isn’t too far off now, the school shrinking in the distance behind us. Mabel is rustling some note paper in her hands as she walks beside Eric, mumbling to herself about what goes where and this, that and the other thing. She’s a smart girl but she has a mean mouth on her. I think we might be her only friends in school; we might be the only ones she’s told off that haven’t taken it personally. She’s real funny though when you get to know her, and it’s actually quite entertaining to watch the guys at school stare at her long, blonde hair and pretty face, and then to watch them stay far away to avoid a wicked burn when they try to speak to her.

 

Eric keeps looking over at the papers while trying not to be noticed by Mabel, although it’s obvious he’s interested. She glances up at him and he jerks his head forward toward the 8-Ball as if he wasn’t looking at Mabel at all. Mabel shakes her head and continues shuffling as we meander down the street, slowly burning our afternoon. We pass the old grocery store and Eric grins widely at the new addition of artwork to the side of the building. Eric’s the art student in school with the black plastic-rimmed glasses and the patchy goatee/mustache combo and the spiked brown hair. He admires urban art and street culture, yet no one gives him any trouble about the mysterious graphiti on the old Palmer’s grocery store.

 

I don’t think anyone would bug him about it anyway; it’s pretty damn righteous work.

 

And then there’s me, of course; the famous Jacqueline Sharne… now known as the not-so-famous Jac. I’ve been kicked out of three different schools before I came to this one in this shithole town two years ago.  I don’t really like to mention what I did to get kicked out of those schools; that’s a past that’s well… a past. Now I’m just a normal bored student who befriended a tripod, if you will, and now we are a merry quadruped. Yay.

 

And now that I ran through introductions for you, I turn my head back toward the broken down party store, which lays right before us now in all its glory. The 8-Ball Liquor Store; dilapidated and sporting the tangerines and browns of the disco generation, it holds all the hopes and dreams of a high school junior in one little mixing machine they call “The Slushy Flushy.” God damnit, you gotta love a cold Slushy Flushy from the 8-Ball, I tell you what.

 

“Hey, can I bum a buck off one of you guys?” Eric pipes up as we each pass through the rickety door and enter the store. Everyone starts digging through their pockets, except for Tobey, who’s staring at some dusty postcards with a vacant smile on his face. I turn to check out the postcards and I let out a loud chuckle at what I see. “Guys, look at this one.”

 

Mabel picks up the card and giggles at the photo. “Oh, that is too funny.”

 

Eric gazes at it over Mabel’s shoulder and shakes his head at the picture.

 

“I should buy it,” Mabel says, digging through her pack for more money. “The library was demolished, what… two years ago? I can’t believe they just left the ruins there though… like the library made the town look worse when it was standing, and now it’s so much better now that they’ve knocked it down and left the mess behind.” She finds two quarters and clutches the card in her hand, her fingerprints leaving lines and rings in the thick dust. “It would be slightly educational to purchase some history today, I reckon,” she replies with a laugh, but a look of sadness flitters across her face for only a second after; I know she’s been feeling empty ever since the library was condemned and demolished, but she rarely shows it.  

 

Whenever I see it in her face, I know she’s still human and quite touchable, even though she’s built a wall around herself that would be commended by great war kings and emperors of the past. Wow, that was a smart line. I commend myself for coming up with that one.

 

Anyway…

Author's Note

if tenses don't seem right, lemme know. I really would like some plot ideas or whatever you're willing to give. :D

Reviews

[StephenAndrew]

I seem to get quite bored quite easily, but this piece hooked me. I look forward to reading more..

[DecemberXSunset]

Your style so far seems nice and smooth.
A few lines that stood out for me were:

"She rises and looks down the street toward the 8-Ball Liquor Store, licking her lips in the Autumn breeze."

"We'd been sitting on the curb arguing back and forth about what the best Atari game of all-time was for about an hour after school had let out, and in that small span of time had almost forgotten how s****y our small neighborhood really was." This is really true, for you can spend time focusing on one certain thing... and then once you come back to reality it's not always so great.

"Our feet create a sort of collective gallop together as we make our way toward the 8-Ball" Very good writing, it makes it easy to picture.

"He's a good guy at heart, but I think the breeze blows right through his ears and the tickle of it makes him laugh at strange times, but that's okay; that's just Tobey." ha... I very much enjoy this line.

Keep up the work, not really sure where your story would be headed... but I'm excited to see.
-Ashli