Fortunato

Poe's Cask of Amontillado from a different perspective.

Torchlight dies in my eyes
and with darkness I realize
that demise will come soon
for this motley buffoon.

 

Fitting then that my prison
is a stonemason’s creation,
in this vacant basement
filled with bones and libations.

 

Ill-composed in my repose,
I suppose this is redress
for transgression I impressed.
Which one, I can just guess.

 

I left my love to her fete above,
and hastened to chase finer tastes.
Alone to atone, I moan a requiem
but my cries are lost in mausoleum.

 

In panic, I struggle and strain
against dangled chains that strangle
and taunt me with jangled refrain.
Haunted and jilted, I pray.

 

O, merciful Artisan!
Lend me the strength of Samson,
that blind soldier of vengeance,
so pillars may tumble as penance.

 

Is there no help for the widow’s son?!

 

Reviews

[luthien7]

Well done, lovely telling from Fortunato's point of view. The 1st and last stanzas employ the same rhyme scheme and work really well, I wonder how the rest would read if this were continued through out? Also, he didn't seem to take seriously that Montressor was a fellow Mason so I struggled a little with the lines, "Fitting then that my prison
is a stonemason's creation..." but I could be mis-reading it. The final line I like alot and is fitting - as a plea at the last to a "fellow" mason for mercy.

Greatly enjoyed this. Thanks!

[James Takeo Panton]

dayum! excellent piece!

[Damian Alan Gray]

I agree with Cyan. I've read this at least five or six times, and reading imparts something else that I like about the work. Your poetry reminds me of the artistry of Tom Masse, in that each viewing leads to a previously overlooked detail and a new discovery. Very nice work, Michael. Your poetry never ceases to impress.

[cyanskye]

Overall, I like this better each time I read it. The first three stanza are very good, I seem to stumble over the last three a little although I can't quite put my finger on why. It is probably my poetic illiteracy showing. I think the final line really grabs the reader and is an excellent finish. Thanks for sending this along to me.

[Adam Chambers]

I left my love to her fete above,
...LIKE THE DOUBLE ENTENDRE HERE OF "FETE"
filled with bones and libations.
...VERY "POE"-LIKE! COOL!

but my cries are lost in mausoleum [MAYBE PLURAL?]

In panic, I struggle and strain
against dangled chains that strangle
and taunt me with jangled refrain.
Haunted and jilted, I pray.



O, merciful Artisan!
Lend me the strength of Samson,
that blind soldier of vengeance,
so pillars may tumble as penance.

...IN THESE TWO STANZAS IN PARTICULAR THE "RHYME SCHEME" WORKS VERY WELL. EARLIER ON IN THE POEM I WAS FEELING THAT THE RHYMING WAS MAYBE A LITTLE TOO BLUNT IN SPOTS... BUT THE TONE YOU HAVE SET IN THESE LAST STANZAS IS VERY NICE. AFTER READING THE ENDING, I FEEL LIKE I'M GETTING THE POEM BETTER. VERY INTERESTING! LIKE THE LAST LINE ALOT TOO...

[Mark D. Chevalier]

The piece is dark and foreboding. I liked the part: "Fitting then that my prison is a stonemason's creation, in this vacant basement filled with bones and libations."
There is a deep and penetrating pang to this work, and you communicated this depth eloquently.
M

[yinseriv]

You captured the remorse of one who thought too little too late. The darkness of light physical followed by a fading of hope even as anger darkens the soul.

[Rod Zinkel]

A definite improvement. The omission of the directions like panic works better. The poem stands on its own, but is endowed by reading Poe's work.

[Emily B]

Your work mirrors that onomatopeia that Poe so artfully employed throughout his work.

[Emily B]

Jangled, may be?

Excellent work! I've always wondered about the story from that other point of view.