Man's Ruin

A drunk is seduced by a timeless vixen.

I was far from sober
at a roadhouse dive,
when a woman arrived
on some guy's shoulder.

 

She brushed aside
waves of raven hair,
and returned my stare
with bedroom eyes.

 

She was all over him
but gave me a wink,
and slid me her drink
with a kiss on the rim.

 

She spread her wet lips
in a seductive smile,
that said stay awhile
at least take a sip.

 

His back was turned
so I rolled the dice,
sampled her vice
and felt my mouth burn.

 

She worked her voodoo
but the guy didn't care,
because no one was there...

 

she was just his tattoo.

 

 

Reviews

I had to read, and re read the work because of the last line.

The twist was so large and unexpected that I would have to go through it again to read it slowly, if I missed something.

Great concept, great choice of words, form, and rhythm.

Great sense of humor and disturbing concept. All the qualities that makes this a great read.

[Pointblank]

This is so exactly what would be in a bar, painted on a man. Your drawn in and seduced by this tattoo. You cleverly passed on the experience with brilliance and trickery. Loved it. So exactly why the man has it.

[The Viking]

I was thinking when I first read this, "this guy must have a tattoo like this," then it turns out, the poem was about a guy's tattoo. Nice twist, hard to see coming and humorous. The abba rhyme scheme helps this poem flow, the syllables border on iambic pentameter, which is good because most people write in free verse. I like the use of different metaphors throughout. I also couldn't help it, but this line stuck out:
"She spread her wet lips, in a seductive smile,"
I don't know if that was intentional or not, but I can't help from seeing a blatant double meaning there. Not a bad poem overall. Could easily be the first in an anthology of poems relating the tavern scene and all the farce and comedy that goes along.

[An owl on the moon]

Incredibly visual write, with a very poignant twisting end. Cool read!

[Mark D. Chevalier]

I'm not nearly an expert on poetry, but I know what I like. Turning the woman in the beginning into a tatoo suprised me. I love to be suprised! Excellent!

[James Takeo Panton]

You know damn well I enjoyed this!