Lost little girl

The Word says the devil is a deceiver, he is the father of lies.

so what does it make me when i lie to myself?
when i choose to not see myself in the mirror of truth?

When i choose a way of thinking, a way of living...away from God.

i spiral into self-sufficiency
i spiral into anger and into depression
i become my own deceiver
As easy to deceive someone, deceive them into thinking all is well.

Choices.

Just a decision to see things a certain way, a a new path in thinking takes place.
Lie myself here, and there, next thing i know i don't know how to get back.

thankfully there is a God that cares and knows how to unravel me.
He is truth and light and revelation and peace.
But he does not take only part commitment.
He is an all or nothing kind of guy.

Now the deceiver, well, if im willing to turn from him
and look into this mirror of truth, his Word
the deceiver will be quite mad, and he will send all ammunition to give up this clean up effort.

he will bombard the mind, he will even tempt me.
i know where these lies, i tell myself, lead.
i knew it from the beginning, a choice to be made.

there's no one t blame but myself  for even the deceiver cant make me do a thing
just like a drug dealer, he stands in the corner with the product in hand
but its i who must approach him with his drug of choice.

this free will that can kill or lead me to freedom
as i stand shackled, with the key in front of me, i must make a move.
this lost little girl in me cries to be what HE has called me to be.

the woman in me just wants to run and hide
i must ask him to help me grow
although to the natural eye i look together and act
act like i know, the truth is that im lost.

im afraid, afraid of life, afraid of who i can be,
and who Hes called me to be
because i know that i cant be who hes called me to be unless i let go.
and what, i dont know what i need to let go of.

theres an abyss in my mind beneath and before me
the only things thats clear is the past.
and when i look back, i could have always done better.
i could have been wiser, or kinder
or happier.

and that makes me unhappy now
what a vicious cycle
and so i choose.
i choose to question, i choose to see it a certain way
i choose a way of thinking.

i choose to turn away. i choose to look the other way
i choose to deceive myself, i choose my own demise.
from the time my eyes were opened and he called me to know him
ive never been the same.

its always a temporary thing, to do my own thing.
the day i died with Him on that cross, my inside resurrected

i choose to run sometimes from Him
and this comes to no surprise because when im exhausted,
and i fall on my knees
i find him already there, waiting for me.

never upset, willing to pick me up, and make a new way.
Thats the God i know.
He tells me, "You never ran away from me, my love. you only ran from you."

Reviews

[justjenn_2u]

I am convinced I was mean't to read this. You have a way of setting things straight with straight up honesty penned to perfection on paper. I love to read your writing and I have missed it for far too long. May He give me the strength to follow my inspiration and read words from talented writers such as yourself. Love you girl.