Its All About You

***** Trigger Warning ***** poem to my partner that i never showed him (2012)

There are no words to describe how I feel.
Soul crushing agony and despair like an abyss.
But you cant understand what that means.
Words dont do justice to emotions.
But Ill try.

I hate everything about myself.
I hate everything about the world.
I hate everything but you.

And you are the only reason I am alive.
The only reason I try to be a part of the world.
The only reason I do anything.

Part of me wants to thank you.
But part of me wishes I didnt love you
So I could end my suffering.

I want the world to end so I can die without causing you pain.

Ive lost all hope that anything will fix me.
I just want you to be happy.
But you arent good when Im bad.
And you wont be good if Im gone.

I wish we had never met.
All I do is cause you worry.
Those fleeting times of happiness we have dont make up for everything else.

But I will go on with my life of misery.
Because your happiness is more important than mine.